FOUND

kissing

I should be kissing you right now instead of missing everything we used to be

and I hate myself for changing so much that I don't recognize myself anymore

I want to go back in time and frame the moment we fell in love and never leave

and I want to rip the skin off of my body when I think of everything we could've had if it weren't for me

I want to go to sleep and never wake up unless it's next to you and I know I can't do that and it makes me hate myself even more and i'm not fucking okay and I want to tell you that i'm not but I don't know how because words can't fix what i've destroyed and I can't fix what i've done and i'm not okay, i'll tell you I am, i'll insist, but please know that there is something deep inside of me that wants to destroy me and it will not stop until I am not breathing

7/30/17