FOUND

a victim

I have been called a survivor, but surviving would require me to feel alive

surviving would require me to walk away from my attack and never look back

and I always look back

I always look back to make sure i'm not being followed

to make sure the people walking two blocks back aren't looking where they shouldn't be

I always look back to make sure my attacker is still far enough away

I look back to see how much time I have to run before it all catches up to me

it's all catching up to me

the flashbacks, the nightmares, the panic attacks, and the way my body feels every time I disassociate

I do not feel like a survivor, I feel like a victim that is barely holding on