FOUND

call

I need you to know that I wanted to call you
I wanted to call you because sometimes I forget the sound of your voice saying my name in your groggy midnight voice and that terrifies me
I wanted to call you and ask you if I was awake in the middle of the night because you were dreaming of me
I wanted to call and ask when those dreams turned to nightmares but I knew neither of us have an answer
fuck, I wanted to call and say I still love you but I don't know the meaning of love and how can you love when you can't hate
I can't hate the you or the way you made me feel because all of that led me to here
and if these shots are anything like the bullet holes you put in my heart then I expect nothing but the numbness of my body floating in a bathtub while I lay as if I were dead
so I wanted to call you and ask if you remembered the way I compared everything to drowning in a bathtub but I was too far gone to remember how to speak

9/17/17