Illicit (phan)

VI - Past

News of Phil's father's arrest spread through the town like a wildfire. It was all people talked about for weeks. It even got so bad that the school principal recommended that Phil take a year off, but Phil insisted. If he didn't go, he'd look weak.

Plus, who would protect Dan if Phil wasn't there?

Phil had enough conversations with the police to last a life time. Their questions were never ending. He gave them the same exact answers each time. Yes, he thought his dad was capable of killing someone. Yes, his dad had violent tendencies. Yes, his dad had been missing for a week, more even. Yes, he thought his dad had killed the girl. No, he didn't know why, but his dad did beat him.

There was more than enough evidence to convict him, and the trial wasn't one of those long lasting affairs that made national news. It did make local news, though, which Phil thought was bad enough.

Phil was constantly feeling like he'd been transported to another universe. Here, time crawled by like a turtle. Here, people looked at him with sympathy rather than fear. Their laughs and voices turned to whispers when he walked by. They wondered how he'd turn out. Would he be just as bad?

Would he follow in his father's footsteps of being a murderer?

The only person in the entire town that didn't look at Phil differently was Dan. Though, he did do this weird thing sometimes, where he took in a deep breath as if preparing to say something, but nothing ever came out.

"What?" Phil spat out one afternoon, when they were sitting in Dan's room doing maths homework together. In truth, Dan did his homework, while Phil fiddled with his camera, only putting in a helpful word when Dan got something wrong. "What is it?" He'd had enough of the repeated action and just fucking wanted Dan to say it, whatever it was.

"I just... maybe - do you ever think that it's our fault?"

Phil froze, his fingers hovering over the focus knob. Dan didn't have to say anymore, Phil knew he'd say something about the trial some time, so he knew exactly what this was about. "What?" Phil asked anyway, his voice barely there.

"That girl, Cary. I mean, we knew what your father was like for years and we never said anything and now..."

And now someone was dead. An innocent girl, who'd probably done nothing wrong. Phil had seen so many pictures of her on TV. She was young, with brown hair and bright eyes. She was the kind of girl that straight boys found attractive. Phil had also seen clips of her parents crying, her sister crying, her cousin crying.

He'd had the same thoughts while he was lying in bed, unable to sleep at night. If only he'd turned his father into the cops sooner. If only he'd said something. If only he wasn't such a coward, Cary Reynolds wouldn't be dead.

Phil shook his body out, willing it to continue functioning normally. He shrugged. "We didn't know what would happen." It was the same excuse he told himself every day. It made breathing just that little bit easier.

"I guess," Dan muttered. "I just feel like I should've done something."

"Yeah, well, it's not just us. No one else did anything either. Not my mum, your parents, Calvin, Harvey or the rest of our fucking street when they heard my screams in the middle of the night. I guess we're all fucking murderers then!"

Phil didn't remember standing up or gripping the camera like that. And why was he so out of breath? His skin felt like it was on fire, and lava seemed to pump through his body instead of blood.

Dan put a hand on his arm, and the brunette's fingers eased the seething rage flooding through Phil's veins.

"I'm sorry, Phil," Dan muttered.