Styles Fx

Who Would've Thought

Louis' POV

I am still at the hospital. I want to leave. Well, I think I want to leave, but I can't. Something is holding me here. I don't know if it is the last words he spoke before the drugs took him under, or whether it is because of something else. I was so shocked when he said he still loved me. I never would have thought he did. He seemed as though he didn't all those years ago after the incident. He never spoke to me again and barely even looked at me. That hurt more than any blow I had received. 

After I left to go to another school my senior year, I went through so much. I nearly committed suicide 3 different times. The first time my mom found me. It was not long after I had finally left Harry behind. The second time was about 4 years ago. I was seeing Harry everywhere. He was in magazines, newspapers, he was on a fucking billboard, and he was on television sometimes. He was very successful and I was very proud of him, but it felt like a stab in the back. He had just moved on and was not affected by anything. Everything I had believed proved true to me seeing him moving forward. I was crushed. How could he be doing so well while I am still dying in side?

Sure I had a great job working as a criminal psychologist with the FBI, but I was miserable. I still wanted Harry so bad but he never seemed as if he wanted me again. All I saw were his smiles and pap pics of him going out on dates and happy things of that nature. I could not even stand to let anyone touch me. All I did was thought about him as much as I tried not to. That all began to somewhat change a couple of weeks later.

I went out to a club with my friends and got pissed. I ended up going home with a guy and that started a downward spiral of drinking, one night stands, and eventually drugs. I was bad. My mom and my friends, after about 3 months of promising to stop and try to do better to no avail, snatched me up and put me into rehab. That helped me so much. It changed my life. Well, for the moment.

When I left rehab 6 months later, I got a job with the FBI. I had to go through a lot and when I finally got the job, it was rigorous but I enjoyed it. It left me little time to think about my problems. I still wasn't trying to date anyone and I was fine being alone. I still thought of Harry often but I could deal with it even though it still hurt so much. 

Everything was going so well for me and I thought I could finally move on. It had been about 7 months since I left rehab and I was stable. I had a strong support system of friends and family and I couldn't have asked for anything more. That is, until the day it came crashing down again. It was Harry. He was dating a woman named Fiona and he looked so happy. The story said they had been dating for 6 months and that it seemed one of the most eligible bachelor's had finally found his true love. I cracked. All I wanted was to die all over again. So I made a plan.

It was finally time to put my plan into action. I was swimming in a public pool. Me and a couple of friends were just mostly messing about and only doing a bit of swimming. They decided to head home after a couple of hours but I stayed. I had to carry out my plan.

The pool area began to get a bit empty around 7 pm. I decided to take one last swim. I swam around the pool one last time thinking over the events of my life. So much had happened. All my thoughts led back to Harry. I still loved him so much but I was tired. I was tired of letting thoughts of him run circles around my life. Especially the knowing he moved on and didn't want me anymore. I had to make it stop; all the hurt and all the pain.

I got out of the water and sent texts to the group chat I had with my friends to have a few lasts laughs, as well as sending texts to my family just to say I love you to them one last time. I had thought about this over and over. I didn't want to live anymore. The pain was too much and I could not escape it no matter how hard I tried.