Styles Fx

What Now

Harry's POV

As I sat thinking about what I should do, all I could think of was Louis. Did I want to try to get him back? I wanted nothing more actually, but at the same time, I just wanted to give up. I had already caused him so much pain. My doppelganger, who I have found out is my guardian angel, walked before me yet again awaiting my decision. I hesitantly looked up and said, "I won't go back. I have hurt him enough. He has found happiness and I won't be selfish and get in the way of that." If you love something set it free right? Sadly, this is a love that won't be able to come back if it is true because I won't be there to receive it.

As soon as those words left my mouth, I could see myself lying on the table in the hospital. I could hear the long beep signaling my death. Everything seemed so strange. My body looked so pale and sickly. My lips were a purplish-blue color. My eyes were closed and I looked finally at peace. I let out a puff of nothing and ran my hands through my hair. I watched as the doctors left out of the room after covering my body with a white sheet. Moments later, I heard wailing screams and cries. Fuck, it was Louis. The doctors must have told him I was gone. He is screaming for me so loudly. I don't understand why. He is happy with Josh and has a new life. Why is he calling for me?

The sound of his voice is tearing at my soul. After what seemed like forever, the cries died out and I felt awful. I know he would be better off and that this hurt he feels will pass. I could hear someone calling Louis' name, but what surprised me was Louis called mine. I wanted to go to him. To hold him in my arms, but I had made my decision and it was for the best. Louis needed to go on with his life, get married, and start a family. He was in a major movie and I knew he was going to be a star. He just has to focus. I was nothing to him anyway, so he should be fine. 

As these thoughts went through my mind, I found that I was not completely convinced. I knew Louis still cared for me, but he was in love with someone else. That was still hard for me to believe even when I see him lying in Josh's arms as he comforted him. Though he was unconscious, he was still so beautiful. It is sad that I caused him to be in this state. I love him so much. It was still best if I go away. He deserved so much better than me. I could never be enough for him. So why should I try just to fail?

Louis' POV

My eyes slowly fluttered open and I was met with a sad looking Josh. He looked so hurt. I looked around to take in my surroundings and everything came rushing back to me all at once. Harry was dead. My Harry was dead. I could not believe this. Everything hurt. It hurt to think, to breathe, and to even think of Harry laying cold on the table in a hospital room caused me to burst into tears again. I broke free of Josh and ran to the room. There were two nurses inside and they looked up when I entered. They turned to each other before the male nurse looked to me and said, "We will give you a few moments alone with him before we take him away." I just sobbed and nodded my head. He pulled the cover back from over Harry's face and I felt like another part of me died at that moment. This was not supposed to happen. I found myself shaking Harry asking him why. Why didn't I get there sooner? Why didn't I call him before I went over? Why didn't I try harder to see him? I am so angry with myself. I just lay over his body and cried... again.

"Why Harry? Why would you do this? I feel like a part of me left with you. I have never felt pain like this. I wish I could have gotten there sooner. Maybe if I hadn't stopped to talk to Josh I would have gotten to you in time. What am I supposed to do now, huh? We just found each other again and now you leave me! You are so fucking selfish, still! I am so angry at you! Why would you leave me like his? We only got to talk once and now you are gone. Fuck Harry! I hate you for doing this. This is how you pay for my pain? This is what you came up with? Well, fuck you, Harry. I will never forgive you for this, not that it matters. So many people are hurting right now Harry. How could you? What about your mom and Gemma? How do you think they feel right now? I am sure Liam and the rest of them will be here soon. I guess I will go now. Josh is waiting for me," I said and lowered my head as a hard sob racked through me.