Styles Fx

Forced To Face Your Demons

I couldn't get away. Louis was here, standing by my bedside. He was looking at me with an unreadable expression on his face. I can't imagine what is going through his mind right now. All I know is that I want as far away from this moment as possible. It's too much. I still love him so much after all these years, but I blew it. I fucked up. I was a shit boyfriend in the end and he deserved better than me all those years ago. Anyone else would have protected him. I was too worried about what my friends would think of me and what they would do to me if I reacted. Now, I am still caught in the downward spiral I was left in when he left me for good.

I was devastated to find out he left. Not only because I still loved him, but because I never got to say goodbye or anything for that matter. It was completely my fault. I had plenty of time to do so. Almost a whole year I could have to be exact. I never did. Then I literally cried when I found out he was gone. However, I knew it was for the best and I tried to move on. Sadly, as hard as I tried, I could not forget. I will never forget.

"Harry," Louis said again looking at me a bit expectantly. I couldn't speak. My mouth was dry and I was starting to feel panicked. "Are you alright? I only wanted to make sure you were ok. I also thought maybe we could talk a bit. It has been quite a while." Louis said shuffling on his feet.

I could only stare at him. His eyes were still so captivating. Despite what happened to him, he was still breathtaking. His eyes could still entrance me. I really need to, but I can't look away. I am just here staring into his eyes like a creep. Fuck, he is smiling now. I have to get out of here. I need my pills. I can't handle this on my own. I can already feel myself slipping. Why is he here? Maybe he wants to hurt me like I allowed them to hurt him. Why is he smiling? I need someone to walk in. Fuck, he is getting closer to the bed now. I am gonna scream! Wait.. w-what is he doing? He is reaching out to me. His smile is gone now. I do the only thing I can. I scream for help.

"Harry, shit! Are you alright?" Louis asks as he slowly and carefully takes my hand. I began to beg him, "Please don't hurt me, Louis. I am so sorry. I am so, so sorry. I should have done something. I should have made them stop. Please forgive me. I-I....!" My mind was going wild with a million thoughts. Louis began to shake his head quickly. "Harry. I would never hurt you. What are you on about?" he asked me with confusion in his eyes. I just began to cry. I had so many emotions running through me and I could not take it any longer. Louis cautiously wrapped his arms around my shoulders and hugged me tight. I couldn't believe after all I had done, he was trying to comfort me.

"Is everything alright in here?" I heard someone ask as the door burst open. "Oh, I'm sorry. I will leave you two alone." The nurse said as she closed the door. Louis pulled away asking if I was alright. I nodded my head slowly and he sat down on the side of the bed just watching me. It is funny how I didn't find it creepy. He really looked concerned. As soon as I found my voice I asked why he was here. No of my friends were. Not even my best friend, Liam. I was taken from the club so they know I am here. No one came. Except for Louis.

"So," I try to make conversation. "Yeah," he says in reply. This isn't getting anywhere. We just sta in silence until he asks something I never knew he questioned. "Did you ever love me, Harry," he asked and looked down to his lap. I could hear a small quiver in his voice and I felt so low. I wanted to reach out and touch him, but I didn't have that right anymore. Not only that, but I was strapped down to this fucking bed like an animal.

"Yes," was my simple reply. I couldn't bring myself to say more. I wanted to tell him I still did. I wanted to tell him how he is on my mind every day. I wanted to tell him how my life changed that day and has been going down ever since. I wanted him to know how much my heart still aches and how I would do anything to take it back. However, not much of that matters now. He won't care. I let him down and now he is gone forever. Besides, it has been nearly 10 years since. He has moved on I am sure of it.