Chrysalis (Jeff The Killer) DISCONTINUED

Chapter 25: A Game of God

So, I decided to rewrite the 25th chapter: Dead End, because I think it was shitty. I'm currently on vacation in Asia for the coming week, so I'll try to spend my time productively and rewrite the last piece of trash a bit better. Hopefully it will end up better than the last one.
- Mania.

The feeling of numbness was petrifying, yet at the same time it felt relieving. The personal feelings I beared towards it, however, were ambiguous and unpredictable, as if my mind had yet to make itself up on the matter. At school one day, we once talked about different sorts of religions and what their specific definitions of the Afterlife were. Some spoke of it as a means of reincarnation, the ability to be reborn into to a creature that reflected your previous life's actions and the consequences of those, and some spoke of Heaven and Hell. I found neither of them believable.

I remember being bored out of my wits by such a trivial subject; what was the point of talking about death when it was as inevitable as sleeping and we would all end up like that one day anyway? It was a waste of time in my opinion, yet I couldn't help but to ponder after that day. What was there to like  after life had passed you by? Was there some kind of peaceful place that awaited you, or were you destined to end up somewhere lonesome like life? Either way, I never expected to end there so soon. As pathetic as it sounded after everything I had been through, I wished to live on and get someplace rather than a black abyss. I wanted to live.

Then again, there was no going back after everything that had happened. I was dead, and it didn't get any easier than that. But it pissed me off! In what kind of position did that asshole really stand in to judge what kind of fate I would have to face? Whoever gave him the right to play God? I know that I often mentioned how bleak my future was, and how low my chances of getting there were, but I still wanted to experience it. He didn't possess the right to take more from me than he already had - He didn't fucking have it!

Still, in the end, he won. All because of my stupidity. Had I just done something sooner, I could've made it.

Consciousness abruptly hit me and I gasped for air, coughing and gasping as far as my lungs would allow me. My heart was throbbing painfully against my rib cages, and it felt as if my lungs were on the verge of exploding beneath them. I found it hard to concentrate for the first seconds, still in a frantic and panicked state, like every breath would become my very last. My vision was a blur and my eyes searched for something - Anything to put their focus onto, but only blackness filled my sight for as far as they could reach.

Seconds passed to minutes, and I continued to search for answers, but found none. Turned out that what I previously believed to be nothing but my eyes having yet to accustom themselves to my surroundings, was actually only darkness after all. There was nothing else there but me. My mind was racing with questions, and each of them had unattainable answers. One of them, however, were pretty easy, but just as similar as to the others; Where?

Where the hell was I? Darkness and nothing more, was that supposed to be a joke? If it was, then it seriously lacked the required qualifications of being deemed part of the category 'Funny'. Had it not been for my shocked mind and lack of understanding, then I would've laughed my ass off at the irony. Was this the place where all souls ended up when they perished from life? Was religion and belief nothing more than trivial matters humans had adapted themselves to believe over the years they had existed through? Were we simply doomed to end up alone in the end? No friends? No loved ones? No God? The Afterlife was nothing more than the black abyss that constantly haunted my dreams along with his smile?

Turned out that it was all pointless after all. All the good deeds in life, along with the bad ones, meant nothing once someone were dead. You would never hear anyone ever speak your name again, and you would remain in the state that you were left in the exact moment of your death. Hell, I still wore the same clothes as I did when I was stabbed, like I was still alive. Everything was pointless in the end. Whether you were once a saint or a sinner, a murderer or an innocent, a child or an adult. Whatever in life was but a temporary prison you had convicted yourself into apparently.