She stood up slowly and carefully, the lack of nutrients in her body making her weak and dizzy. As her head cleared and the room quit spinning she loosened her grasp on the wooden pew in front of her, just slightly holding onto it like many of the other people inside the sanctuary. Her sore, thin legs could barely hold herself up from the excessive amounts of exercising from the past couple of days.
The room silenced and the music started she opened her mouth and the words came out effortlessly.
“Oh happy day, happy day
He washed my sins away…”
The song ends and her body feels relief as she sits down on the soft cushioned pew. Her hands immediately retreats to her bible in which she sits on her lap and opens into the book of Ruth.
“Alright, today we are going to study the first chapter of Ruth and then give communion.”
No
She was fasting, even the slightest bit of food, even if it was an oyster cracker was bad for her fasting, her restriction. She couldn’t do communion today. She could at least sit through half of the book of Ruth.
At least
Her heart rate was slowly increasing, her anxiety gathering up making her heart lurch out of her chest.
How was she going to get out of there without making a small scene?
How was she going to deal with the nasty looks and stares of the ‘lovely’ church goers who were dedicated?
How was she going to avoid being the topic of gossip between her mother’s friends?
She knew the answers to all of those questions. First, she wouldn’t get out of there without making some sort of scene; at least she would have on between her and her mother. That was a fact. She knew that in order to get over the stares of the people she would have to confront them. But, she would never do that, so she would let their stares dig into her skull leaving their pure judgmental marks on the back of her head. And she knew that she could never control the gossip that stirred around the church; especially the church that stirred about her.
“Fuck sitting through this.” She thought, grabbing her purse and standing up.
She looked down at her mother while straightening out her baggy one-size-too-big pants; the look was not a happy one, honestly. Her mother’s look was cold and distant.
Just as it had always been
But, Alice returned the favor with a gentle smirk and she flung her purse over her shoulder and walking out of the small church.
Alice knew that she would hear endless about what she had just done but she couldn’t do it. Hear the lies about how everything was going to be okay when she knew it wasn’t.
About how her life was going to change if she did this and this and this. No, she wasn’t going to sit there and listen to a bunch of old people telling her that she is a damn devil worshiper because she purges.
Too bad they don’t know her other dirty little secrets; they’d think that she was a demon. That’s for sure.
Her body was small in the seat of the SUV. He bottom molding onto the seat whereas she has sat before. Her bony hands sunk into the wheel in which she has touched many time before. The ignition was loud for a nanosecond and then the car purred like a baby kitten just after being fed. Her music was blared, the lyrics of I write sins not tragedies by Panic! At the Disco blasted throughout her vehicle. Alice smiled, knowing that this was who she was. Not a goodie church girl with hopes of marrying a golden boy with hopes and dreams of himself.
Nope, defiantly not who she was
She pulled into the long winding driveway and shivered, she hated that house.
Her house
If anyone could get an utter hatred award towards anything it would be given to Alice for her household; so many bad memories and bad things.
Like food.
The whoosh of warm air cuddled her as she stepped into the main entrance of the house. Dropping her things at the front entrance she scuttled her way to her room and onto the bed. Her thinspos posted around her room, and her posters that reminded her of her main goals in life:
To be skinny and fragile to the touch.
______
What do you think so far? I mean it’s not great nor is it long but I like it.
Now this story will contain triggers such as eating disorders and self-harm
I wouldn’t suggest that you read it if you think that it is going to trigger something.
Dedicated to Nikki because god bless that girl; she just has to be the strongest girl I know, hell I know some of the things that she goes through and it’s not some easy shit. Hell, we both are going through some of the same things and it’s not easy. I love her so much like there are not enough words that could explain our friendship and how much I love her like seriously!
I will update as soon as:
A.I get some feedback
B.I get the second chapter written! :)
YOU ARE READING
Fragile |lh| (Discontinued)
Fiksi Penggemar“Don’t worry darling, we’re all mad here” That’s Alice McAaron’s favorite quote, saying, motto. Whatever you want to call it, she loves it. Besides, she is mad, being diagnosed with severe depression, bipolar disorder, with an added binge eating dis...
