In The Shadows

Secret Out

"Where have you been?" My father stood in the door way.

"And why do you care?" I brushed past him. For that he shoved me down to the ground. 

"Maybe cause I don't want you to actually have hope in life." He slammed his foot down onto my stomach making me cough in pain. 

After I got some air back in my I slowly sat up. "How about you be a good father for once!" I scream at him. This remark got me a hand to my cheek. I placed my hand over the stinging skin. "You drunk bastard!" I scream before getting up and running off to my room.

I don't know what I did to have all this hate in my life. I just want to have a normal life for once day. Not even a day. An hour would be ok with me. Even if it was just a second I would be happy. 

I ran into my bathroom and locked the door behind me. My eyes instantly fall on to the little box by my bath tub. I squeeze my eyes shut and try to get the thought out of my head but it just hung at the back of my mind. My feet slowly start to move towards the edge of the bath tub. 

I reach in and grab a random razor to us. Some were old than others and were covered in rust in areas. I never tried to keep my razors clean cause I didn't really care if I died or not. The one I pulled out must of been old cause it had rust on it and not just a small bit. 

I start to fill the tub up with water and grab a new face cloth to use to remove the make-up on my arms. I still had the small wraps on my arms but no one really questioned it. I guess everyone is afraid to ask me that kind of stuff. 

I slowly removed the make-up on my arms and un-wrap the bandages. The wounds were kinda healing but still hurt once I dipped them into the hot water. I had three on my left arm and two on my right arm. I usually try not to have more than five cuts on an arm and if I do cut myself I try to clean it up before I pass out from blood loss. 

My arms were covered in bruises and scars and I can't look at the to long. 

I slowly moved the razor across my left arm adding on a fourth cut. I added one more to finish off the arm. I moved the arm into the hot water and winced in pain. I was so use to the pain not that I didn't scream. The water turned from a light pink to a more red-ish pink. 

I slowly removed my arm from the water and picked the razor. I cut my right arm three times before dipping it into the water. Both my arms laid in the bloody water. I just starred into the water zoning out. It wasn't till I felt dizzy that I moved over on my butt to my cabinet under my sink to work on my new cuts. 

I didn't care to clean them. I just wrapped them up in bandages. I winced in pain as I tied them a little to tight. I grabbed some pain killers and took a few. I drained the tub before removing my shirt and wrapping up my stomach from where it got stomped on. I stayed in my sports bra but switched my skirt out for some running  shorts. 

When I walked out I saw it was close to nine o'clock already. I grabbed one of my new manga books and walked out onto my balcony. Yes I have a balcony. I live in a fucking mansion it seems like.

I ready about a celestial mage called Lucy and her pink haired lover, Natsu. I wish I could be part of their guild and just go and have fun on jobs. Maybe fight Erza one day and yell at Gray for stripping. I laugh at the thought of learning magic and being able to fight. My favorite type of magic was the sky dragon slayer magic. It was more of a support magic than a fighting magic. (I like celestial magic though -Aspen) 

Once it was nine thirty I decided to call it a night before my father comes up and kills me. That was another thing I loved about Lucy. Both her and I have father problems. As I climb into bed I felt exhaustion take over me and drift off into a soft slumber.