Broken (Bts Angst/Sad FF)

4. The Real Namjoon

Namjoon lazily took the keys out of his pocket right after he walked the path to the front door of his house. It was oddly quiet. Maybe his parents haven't came home from work yet, but he didn't really mind that right now, he just wanted to be alone.

After seeing Jungkook in the hospital, his emotions grew bigger in his chest, making his breath hard to catch and hundreds of memories to come back in his mind.

What was it like to see your best friend suicide right in front of your eyes?

He felt goosebumps trickling down his neck, as that question came up in his head. The key was hanging from his pointer finger, Namjoon had forgotten that he had to unlock the door.

His hand was shaking, as he rose it up bringing the key to the lock and with a few tries he finally succeeded and step in the house closing the door slowly behind him. It was pitch dark in the house.

He kicked his shoes somewhere and proceeded making his way through the darkness to the kitchen. Mental exhaustion was the right word for his condition at the moment, he felt the urge to just fall asleep and not wake up, to stay trapped in that perfect dreaming state where his friend was still among them and where everything was calm and peaceful, but he knew that won't ever come back to him.

Namjoon pushed the light switch and now everything could be clearly seen in the kitchen. His mother had left a plate of the muffins that all the boys loved a lot.

Especially Jimin.

He even always came earlier so he can help Mrs Kim to make them.

Namjoon took one and leaned on the kitchen counter looking at a blank spot above the refrigerator.

Emptiness wrapped around his heart, as he took another bite of the sweet chocolate muffin. His hands started shaking again and he shifted his eyes on them. He sighed and took a step back, covering the muffins and dragging his feet to his room.

The door made a squicking sound when he slowly opened it. He went in and his eyes landed on the photo of his neatly made desk. It was him and the boys at the amusement park. His eyes lended on his passed friend, who happily smiled while making a 'V' sign above his head. Namjoon took a step and took the photo in his hand.

"Flashback"

"Come on Joon it won't be that scary!" Jimin pulled the hand of the elder and dragged him to the newly opened roller coaster. "It's a bit fast and has a lot of turns, but it will be fun!"

Hoseok was dragged by Yoongi even tho he was whining and trying to run away from his friend, but it was too late because Yoongi pushed him in the cart and the worker locked his seat belt.

All the boys were sited now and that was the reason that made Namjoon give in and sit next to Jimin.

"Hoseok stop crying! We haven't even started!" Jungkook ruffled the hair of his hyung and laughed together with Taehyung.

"YAH! I don't care!" Hoseok was squeezing the safety belts with all his might.

"Hey it will be okay! It will be fun!" Jimin turned around and gave the most sincere smile towards his scared friend. "I will buy you ice cream after this!"

That was who Jimin really was. The most caring person in the world, he would do anything so the boys would be happy.

"And I will buy lunch." Jin winked at Hoseok from his left side.

The ride went smoothly if we exclude the wild screams that Hoseok had left out of his mouth. Everyone laughed at him, while the ride was on.

The boys went happily to the small restaurant in the center of the amusement park, as Jimin and Namjoon were the last and walking slowly.

"It was really fun, wasn't it Hyung?" Jimin clapped with his hands and giggled.

"It was! Thank you for dragging me there!" Namjoon patted the shoulder of the younger boy.

"No problem! If i wasn't here I don't know what you would do! You would be such a boring person Namjoon!" Jimin stuck his tongue out and made a run to the restaurant.

End of flashback

Namjoon's eyes were watering slowly. "If I wasn't here." replayed in his mind over and over again. He dropped on his knees and squeezed the picture in his hands and brought it closer to his chest, a tear fell on his jeans and his body trembled. His other hand went in his hair, as only his sobs could be heard in the room.

"You aren't here Jimin." his heart ached. "You left me become boring!" Namjoon's body fell on the side and he curled up on the floor letting his tears flow on his face.

Namjoon was like that every night. He cried until he was out of tears.

He was a wreck as well, but he never showed to the others. He wanted to be strong for them, but the moment he was left alone, he grieved.

Time passed but he just couldn't seem to let go.

Soon his eyes gave in and he felt the tiredness fall on him. He fell asleep right there on the floor, holding the picture close to his chest and curled up in a ball.

Around the time that Namjoon fell asleep, something in the room of Jungkook happened.

Jungkook was twisting and twirling in his bed. Cold sweat was covering his face and his breath was heavy. His hair was messy and tears dropped from his eyes in his sleep. He suddenly sat in his bed and screamed, digging his hands in the messy hair, pulling it as hard as he can. His eyes were red and his fingers drag down to his cheeks, scratching them with his nails until they started bleeding.

Doctors came in the room and pinned his slim body to the bed. He continued twirling and screaming. All he wanted right now was to end his life, he couldn't deal with this anymore.

The needle made its way through the skin of his neck. The liquid in it almost immediately making Jungkook's body numb. He opened his mouth and took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry Jimin..." it was hardly heard, as his eyes closed.