THE SELECTION: The Decision.

The First Love

I haven't spoken to him or seen him since the engagement and I know that it has to be done.  As much as I hate it, it has to be addressed right now.
  I hop out of Maxon's arms carefully and stand in front of him.
  Aspen bows curtly.  "Lady," he glances at me quickly then his eyes turn to Maxon. "Your Majesty..."
  I shake my head.  "Aspen, it's okay... Maxon knows it's you..."
  Maxon extends his hand.  The gesture would seem perfectly friendly if you didn't know Maxon as I do.  By his normal standards, this is stiff and a little bit rude.
  "Aspen Leger... Honestly, I should have put two and two together...  It's nice to finally meet the man who has caused me so much heartache."
  "Likewise," Aspen says coolly.  He turns to me quickly.  "Mer, we need to talk."
  "Yes... We do... It can't wait any longer."
Maxon clears his throat awkwardly. "I suppose I'm meant to say I'll go inside to give you some privacy?"
I shake my head and grab his hand quickly. "No. You're staying... I don't want you having any doubts about what was said..." I let go of him and turn to face Aspen once again.
"Aspen..." I start.
"This feels an awful lot like a break-up, Mer...." He tries to joke but it's mostly sad.
"It can't be a break up because you broke up with me before I came here... You don't reserve the right to be broken up with..." I take a deep breath.  "I was bitter, and angry, and sad that you broke up with me... It's part of what drove me to come here.  I'm spiteful like that, you know..." I wrap my arms around myself.  "But breaking up with me was the best thing you could've done... Not just for me, but for you too..." He tries to protest but I cut him off.  "Don't try to argue.  It's true... There isn't anything you wouldn't do for me, and I know that... I'd do the same for you... But we aren't in love.  I don't know if we ever were.  We needed each other for survival and sanity and being together was our own little act of rebellion, but what we have isn't love... At least not the kind you want it to be.  We're best friends and that's it... I love you, Aspen Leger... I love you like a brother and a friend and an ally... For a while, that was enough.  But now I know what real love is, and I know that we both deserve it.  I know that I have it..." I turn to glance at Maxon and he's looking at me lovingly with a smile brighter than a thousand stars.
  "America... What are you doing?" Aspen's voice cracks.  "I know you... I've been there when you fell off your bike and scraped your knee, when you thought you weren't a good enough singer...." He lowers his voice.  "I've watched you give away what little food you had, even when you were starving."
  I glance over to Maxon and he winces at the mention of me starving.
  "What happened to the America Singer that would discuss our future children? You always wanted to have four... Have you looked at the royal family?  It's no secret they have a hard time having one heir, let alone four... Do you think you can deal with that?"
  Emotion swells in my throat and I quickly grab Maxon's hand.  "Aspen..." I blink back tears.  "I'm pregnant."
  He looks as though he's been punched.  His face turns to stone and he whispers, "So is that why you're doing this? Mer, if you're getting married because it's illegal for you to be pregnant then just say the word... I'll marry you right now and we can go be Eights together."
  I shake my head as a steady stream of tears fall down my cheek.  "No... You don't understand...  We were already getting married before this happened.  We want this to happen... I'm not making a mistake, I know that now... I'm meant to be with Maxon and you're meant to find the love of your life.  You're not losing your job, because I know how much you love it, but you can't stand guard outside my door anymore... I'm not yours to protect.  I hope that one day you'll forgive me and we can go back to being friends, but I don't want to talk about what we used to be anymore... It's time to move on."  I'm gripping Maxon's hand tight.
  He must see that I'm about to break down because he gently smooths my hair back.  "Come on, Darling... Let's go inside."  I let him lead me to the door but Aspen grabs my hand quickly.
  "Tell me one thing, Mer... One thing and I'll go away.  Are you happy?" He searches my eyes for any sign of hesitation.  I smile softly.
  "Happier than I've ever been."
  He nods and let's my hand go, along with the feelings we once held for each other. 
  I go back to the door with Maxon and it feels symbolic as we cross the threshold;  I leave my old life behind and finally embrace the one I was meant to have.