London Bridges

Chapter 31: Too Late

They don't touch during the day.  They wake early and explore the city with Niall and Zayn, careful to keep an air of propriety between them.  Every time Liam answers her call, Louis' heart breaks a little more.  Liam refuses to discuss it with him, he tells Louis they'll talk about it later, he says he just wants to enjoy their time for now.  Louis feels like Prometheus, in his own hell where everyday he has to endure the agony of having his heart ripped out, only to have it grow back again from the kisses Liam presses to his skin when night falls and they can finally be together again.    Maybe he deserves it, maybe he should spare them both the misery, but Louis can't bring himself to walk away from Liam a second time. 

It's their fourth night in Vegas, they fly back to England in three days, and Liam is set to be married two days after that.  Louis is out on the hotel terrace, smoking a cigarette.  He can hear the soft rumble of Liam's voice coming from inside the suite.  He's talking to Danielle, and even though its not clear enough to make out the words, Louis knows Liam is telling her he loves her.  There' s a few moments of silence and then the door is sliding open and Liam is pressing himself to Louis' back, wrapping his arms around his waist. 

Louis exhales a lungful of smoke.  "It's time," he says, his voice quiet as to not disturb the night.  "We have to figure this out."

"Not yet," Liam pleads, shaking his head.

"Then when?  You're marrying her in a week, Li.  You have to make a choice."

Liam lets go of him, putting a few feet of distance between them.  "You took away my choice!" Liam reminds him, his voice rising in frustration.  "You walked away!"

"Well I'm not now!" Louis yells back.  "Its unfair, and its selfish, and I don't deserve you, but I'm here."  Louis' eyes fill with tears, his voice dropping low to a whisper.  "I thought I was doing the right thing.  I thought I was sparing you.  I fucked up, I get that, but I didn't mean for it to turn out like this.  We're not meant to be a dirty, little secret."

"Lou, I made a commitment," Liam says sadly. 

Louis takes a deep breath, his heart sinking in his chest.  "So you're choosing her?"

"What do you want from me?" Liam pleads.

Louis has to swallow back the lump in his throat before he can speak again.  "I want you to be happy, Li.  If you're happy with her then so be it, I guess I deserve that, right?  There's no room in your bed for three, though, and I don't have the strength in me to walk away again; you're gonna have to tell me to go."

"I don't want you to go."

"You can't have both ways," Louis says.

Liam feels as if he's being reprimanded like a petulant child.  He's angry and confused, and he doesn't like being backed into a corner.

"You don't get to waltz back into my life after all this time and start giving out ultimatums!"

"I'm not giving you an ultimatum," Louis argues.  "I'm telling you your options, because you don't seem to want to fucking face reality."

Liam scoffs.  "Funny coming from the man thats been hiding out for the last two years."

"So, what, now you're gonna punish me?  You're gonna make me stand by and watch you marry her?"

"Nobody makes you do anything, Lou," Liam answers, shaking his head.  "I sure as hell can't make you stay."

"I thought I was doing the right thing," Louis maintains.

"It wasn't right!" Liam yells again.  "How can any second apart be right?  Its been hell, Louis!  I hurt every moment you're gone!"

Louis is crying now, absolutely devastated by the pain he's caused his boy.  He wants to wrap Liam in his arms, he wants to turn back to when they were teenagers with nothing but love and hope.  He wants to fix everything he broke, protect Liam from all the bad, but he doesn't know how to shield Liam from the bad thats in him.

"I'm sorry," Louis chokes out.  "I'm so fucking sorry, Li."

Liam steps forward, pulling Louis into his chest.  He presses a kiss into Louis' hair, shutting his eyes tight against his own tears. 

"I know," Liam whispers.  "I know you are.  I just don't know if its too late."