Unexpected.

Chapter 2

The next few weeks were the most difficult of my life. Each night consisted of me crying until I fell asleep only to wake again with the haunting nightmare of losing our baby girl.

 

Louis tried; he really did try to help me. To fill the emptiness that left me screaming in pain each time I thought about that day, to wipe away the tears I cried every time Freya’s name was mentioned, to comfort me when I sobbed at the random times. I could see he was hurting just as bad but he held on for me, and I underappreciated that.

 

Everyone was supportive, but I shut them out.

 

I spent most days in bed or at work enduring the never ending numbness my body produced to ease the burning hole in my chest. I had to get away from the pain and seeing any of my close friends or family faces only reminded me of it, especially Louis.

 

A few days before I had been scheduled to go in for the D&C operation to remove the fetus, the pain was excruciating. I decided to let Lou back in. I missed his warm touch, his gentle kiss; I now realized I needed him.

 

He was in bed already and I curled up beside him, wrapping my arms around his stomach. I hadn’t done this in what felt like so long, his smooth skin against mine was comforting but I know after I would regret it. I would pay with the burning in my chest because Lou reminded me of losing Freya more than anyone else.

 

Surprised he turned to face me and his eyes, bloodshot, held tears.

I wiped them away in silence.

 

‘Lou let’s go visit your family in Doncaster, I bet they miss you.’ I spoke.

‘That sounds great. Everyone misses you, you know?’ He questioned and I knew he didn’t mean his family when he said that. He meant everyone here, all the boys, my girl friend Danielle, Lou himself. I was that shut off from the world that I let the numbness overtake me, I wasn’t much fun for anyone to be around.

 

‘I know. I’ll come around.’ I tried to convince him but to myself I thought I could never get over the fact that she wasn’t given the chance to live on this earth yet but still taken from me. I tried to avoid thinking of her name, or of anything to do with babies at all, but I knew eventually my grieving time would be over and life would have to move on.

 

His lips kissed above my eyebrow and I closed my eyes breathing in the sweet scent of his cool breath.

‘Freya was taken from us Lou.’ my hoarse voice broke the silence in the dark bedroom.

‘I know. She was our baby.’ He said quietly and I could hear a sob come from deep within his throat.

 

I think we both fell asleep in each other’s arms crying that night. Selfishly I was glad I wasn’t alone but it hurt more to see Louis in the same pain I was enduring.