Tales Between the Lines

I.6 The Centre of the Universe

The dining room held a large table made of a groppler's sunshade. The now extinct gropplers were native animals of Hilton®, a planet circling his M-class sun at a mere 0.7 A.U. Hilton® was a sunbathers' Mecca known for its blue skies and white beaches. The gropplers had evolved their shades as a protective measure against sunburn. Originally, this had given them an evolutionary advantage, but they came to regret their evolution once the furniture-making industry realized that the shades made for perfect dining room tables.

Spaceship's robots had set the table beautifully, with white china, crystal glasses, and silver cutlery. A skilfully folded napkin, forming a cute little bird, perched happily on each of the plates.

The table's center was dominated by an impressive stack of fish pancakes.

"Ho ho ho!" Santa beamed all over his face as he sat down in the chair closest to Mount Pancake. He speared the top cake with his fork and transferred it to his plate. "That's what I call a feast."

Cat was quick to join him, while Destiny and Time approached the scene with more caution.

"Dig in," Spaceship said.

Santa and Cat were already digging in.

Destiny tried a slice of the fare and raised an eyebrow. "Oh, it's good. You must give it a try."

Time stared at the yellow, fishy disk on his plate and reached for his fork in trepidation.
"Houston, we've got a problem." Spaceship's usually cheerful voice carried distinct notes of worry.

"Who's Houston?" asked Santa indistinctly, his mouth full of pancake.

"Someone's pulling me!" Spaceship's voice had gained notes of panic.

~~~~

The pulling was done, with great skill and vigor, by a black hole. A black hole that had sat in a huge, matter-deprived void of its own creation for eons and that was happy to finally have something to pull at. Well, happy as a black hole could be, at least. Because, you know, it's a little-known fact that black holes are among the grumpiest beings of the universe. In fact, there's only one thing grumpier than your average black hole—and that's a big black hole. And this black hole was the biggest of them all.

It was the black hole at the center of the universe.

~~~~

While Santa and Cat stuffed their faces with fishy goodness and even Butterfly munched blissfully on a morsel of the dish, Destiny and Time hurried to the bridge.
As bridges of spaceships go, this one was certainly extraordinary bridgy. The constructor of Spaceship had taken the word 'bridge' literally, and the command centre spanned the abyss over Spaceship's warp core like a suspension bridge in a B-class adventure movie.

Time, already used to the setting, ran without hesitation across the swaying construction to the central command console. Destiny stopped in her tracks and contemplated turning back to the dining hall. At least it had a stable floor, four walls and a table overflowing with fish pancakes.

But then she decided Destiny is destiny after all—or was it destiny is Destiny? Well, this was not the time for philosophical contemplations.

She stuck her knitting needles behind her left ear and gingerly stepped onto the bridge, careful not to look down at the glowing warp core.

Time awaited her at the main screen. His tone carried a timbre of desperation.

"Looks like we found the centre of the Universe after all."

"Wasn't this our goal in the first place? Before we got sidetracked by Santa and fish pancakes?"

"Well, then we didn't know Universe placed the mother of all black holes at its centre, as it obviously did."

Destiny studied the swirling mass of colours on the screen. Spaceship gained speed by the moment and tumbled down a dark funnel in the apparition's centre. This looked bad, mouse-staring-snake-in-the-eye bad. Spaceship coughed for attention.

"Daddy, can we play somewhere else? I don't like this. It turns my stomach."

Time and Destiny exchanged worried looks. But it was already too late.
Spaceship hiccuped twice in a vain attempt to control its bowels. It barfed, and with a gut wrenching howl puked the whole posse, including Time, Destiny, Cat, Santa, Butterfly and some half-eaten fish pancakes, out into the swirling funnel of the black hole.

~~~~

Our friends and the half-eaten fish pancakes tumbled through space—a badly distorted space so close to a black hole.

"Heeeelp, I'm suffocating," Time yelled.

"Take it easy, pal." Destiny reached out for him but punched Santa's nose instead. "Metaphors don't need air. And, before you ask... metaphors can talk to each other in hard vacuum because they're metaphorically speaking."

Time exhaled—nothing—in relief.

Santa grabbed a pancake that had incautiously tumbled within his reach.

Time's face regained its worried look. "There's something black coming towards us."

They turned their heads to follow his panicky stare.

"That will be the Schwarzschild radius." Cat swung his tail to bring his feet towards it.
"And what, please, is a Swartshield radio?" Time ogled the thing with trepidation. "And why is it rushing at us?"

"The Schwarzschild radius the boundary from which no light can escape. And it's not rushing at us... we're falling towards it and—"

Something flickered, and the light assumed a distinctly octarine glow.

"—and now we've passed it. This is where things get interesting™... Meow." Usually, Cat refrained from meowing. As a Schroedinger's Cat, he had been taught not to make any noise that would betray his quantum state. But he couldn't help the meow as he saw the big, green lawn they were slowly drifting towards.

They alighted. Cat and Destiny feet first, Time on his hands, Butterfly on a daffodil, and Santa on his bum.

A fragrant breeze caressed the grass and flowers, birds chirped in the distance, and the octarine sky smiled at them.

And something else glowered at them. It was knee high, fat-bellied, had a short tail, and pointed, hairy ears. Its arms were crossed.