Polar (Erejean)

Guilt

It took me just over forty minutes to walk all the way back to my place. Luckily, my anger towards Jean allowed the time to pass somewhat quickly. The more I thought about him, the more pissed off I got. I was having to walk home in the rain because I had no money and no phone to ask someone for a lift, and he was trying to talk about how difficult his life was.

Fuck that. I refused to believe that his life was anything but easy.

When I got home, I just grabbed a bowl of cereal and watched whatever I could find on Netflix (Mikasa, being the blessing that she was, had given me her account details). I'd a few unread Facebook messages from Armin and Mika, but I just ignored them. They were usually able to calm me down once the heat of the moment had passed, but I didn't really want them to calm me down. I just wanted to keep being pissed at Jean.

Probably one of the only perks of Sixth Form was that we didn't have as many lessons and, thankfully for me, it meant that on some days I didn't have to come in at all. Every other Friday, I was able to stay home all day and procrastinate doing school work. Conveniently enough, that Friday happened to be the following day.

I ended up sleeping in until midday. Part of me wanted to just sleep for the whole three days and not socialise at all, but I knew better than to do that. Although I loved my alone time, it definitely can do me more bad than good if I stay on my own for an extended period of time. As well as that, I also knew that if I didn't respond to Mikasa sometime soon, she'd probably come over and break down the door just to make sure I'm okay.

So, I sent her a quick message to let her know I wasn't lying dead in a ditch somewhere, and then reluctantly agreed to meet up with her and Armin. Within half an hour I managed to drag myself out of bed, shower, and get dressed. I didn't put much effort into my appearance,  just throwing on a shirt, black jeans, a jacket and some old combat boots. I grabbed my key just before leaving, hanging it back around my neck with the string it was attached to after locking the door.

Armin came and picked me up at around one o' clock, thankfully having finished all of his lessons for the day. We drove down to town before getting out and making the rest of our journey on foot. We were headed to Scouts - a small cafe at the corner of a street, which we usually went to together at least once a fortnight.

Mikasa was already there when we arrived, sitting at our usual table with three drinks waiting for us. She often bought both of our drinks, knowing that I'd be less likely to object than if she just bought one for me. I hated feeling so dependent on others.

"Hey, Mika," Armin greeted, smiling sweetly as he took a seat at the table. I sat down beside him, mumbling out a greeting of my own. We just did some small talk for a little while, but it wasn't too long before Mikasa was throwing questions at me about the day before.

"Why weren't you answering my texts? Were you still upset about what happened at lunch?"

I sighed. She always seemed to take our arguments to heart, no matter how small it was.

"No. I just wasn't in the mood for talking to anyone."

"Did something happen with Jean?" Armin piped in.

"Did he do something to you?"

"Fucking hell, nothing serious happened. He just got pissy for no reason and then chucked me out of his house."

Armin gave a heavy sigh, shaking his head a little. "What did you do?"

"What makes you think I did anything?"

"Eren," he repeated, and I just rolled my eyes.

"All I said was that he didn't have anything that he needed to worry about because he can actually afford everything," I answered, before furrowing my brows as the two shared a glance after listening. "What? What is it?"

"Jean's mum is in the hospital," Armin said slowly.

I raised my brows. "What for?" I asked, my voice a little quieter, before rising again. "How the hell do you know everything?"

"I overheard one of the teachers talking about it," Mikasa shrugged. "I don't know why she's there, though."

"Just because he's wealthy doesn't mean his life is perfect," Armin said softly, the look in his eyes making me feel a little guilty.

"Well, how the hell was I supposed to know that his mum is in the hospital," I snapped back defensively, but I think we all knew that I was starting to feel bad about it. To be honest, I think I was almost disappointed to find out that Jean's life wasn't so perfect. I think I just wanted to have an excuse to stay mad at someone.

After a few more disapproving glances, we managed to settle back into a different conversation topic. At the back of my mind, I couldn't help but wonder what was going to happen with me and Jean. I doubted that my pride would let me apologise to him, and I didn't think he'd want me to bring attention to his mother, anyway. Fuck, what if he refused to continue the tutoring sessions with me? I doubted that he'd care about me losing a place on that course anymore - not like he really did in the first place.

Fuck it. There was no point wasting time thinking about it. So, instead,  I tried my best to push the thoughts out of my head completely, deciding to leave it for my future self to deal with.

Fast forward three days, and I was having to do just that - deal with it. I had pretty much spent all of Monday morning avoiding Jean, which was easy enough, but then lunch time rolled around and I had the unfortunate luck of bumping into Mr Ackerman (in a non-literal sense, of course.)

"Ah, Eren, how's it going with Kirstein?" He asked, and I had to stifle a groan as I moved off to the side of the hallway to speak to him.

"Alright, I guess."

"You guess?"

"Well, the sessions we've had so far have been good."

"And when are you having your next session, exactly?"

I opened my mouth to answer but just closed it again, my lips pressing together as I tried to think of an answer. I didn't even know if there was going to be a 'next session'. "Uh, not sure."

He gave an exasperated look, reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose. "Jaeger, I can usually tell when students are trying to bullshit me. Are you actually even doing these tutoring sessions with him?"

I hesitated again, then, and it was so painfully obvious that I was clueless in what to say.

He gave a short sigh. "I don't go back on my word, you know. You will be taken of that course if he doesn't-"

"Eren!"

Ackerman and I glanced over to the source of the interruption, only to find none other than Jean Kirstein making his way over to us.

"Sorry to interrupt," he directed at the other before looking at me instead. "We're still on for after school, right?"

I just stared at him for a few moments, trying to figure out why he was helping me out. I snapped myself out of it when I realised I had yet to answer, and gave a short nod.

"Right! Yeah. We're still on," I confirmed, both of us glancing over at Mr Ackerman, waiting for him to say something.

He raised his brows slightly, glancing between us for a moment before rolling his eyes and starting to walk away. "You now have five weeks," he reminded us, before walking off completely. As soon as he was more than a few meters away, Jean's whole demeanour changed, like he was relaxed in his natural self again.

He was about to start walking off again before I stopped him.

"Wait. We are actually on for after school, right?"

He grunted, stopping in place and turning around slightly to look at me. "Yeah, assuming you can come still."

I nodded. "Yeah, I can come," I confirmed, and I quickly spoke up again as he looked like he was going to walk off. "We're cool, right?"

"'Course," he said, and I was surprised at how relieved it seemed to make me. "So, I'll see you in a few hours, then?"

I smiled slightly. "Yeah. See you then."