Caskett: Never Ending Love

31: Hurts Like Hell

After Castle leaves with Gina to go to the Hamptons Kate mourns the loss when he doesn't call or come back. She meets josh. When Castle comes back tensions rise.
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How can I say this without breaking
How can I say this without taking over
How can I put it down into words
When it's almost too much for my soul alone
///
I don't want them to know the secrets
I don't want them to know the way I loved you
I don't think they'd understand it, no
I don't think they would accept me, no

Fleurie - Hurts Like Hell

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It had been about three months since Castle left to go to the Hamptons with Gina and she hadn't heard from him since. It hurt like hell not having him by her side every day, investigating with him and hearing his crazy theories. She had liked him, wanted to go out with him, but apparently he had other plans with another woman, and that hurt her. Kind of broke her. But she vowed she wouldn't let him in the way she almost did. She had mourned him and their partnership for at least two months and her team saw her. They saw her depressed mood and saw the weight of the loss, and wanted her to get help. Eventually though, on her own she pulled herself up and got back on her feet, trying to forget about Castle, because he would've called if her cared.

She had met Josh at a cafe not far from the precinct. The 12th had been too much of a chaotic environment for her that day so she escaped on her lunch break and decided to try someplace new that didn't have ties with Castle or her family. He was sitting alone at the counter and she sat a few barstools away from him. They each kept stealing glances at one another before they accidentally both looked at the same time making direct eye contact. Kate looked away quickly, blushing slightly. But not the way Castle used to make her. She quickly made that memory flee her head. Castle wasn't coming back and he didn't care about her anymore.

The man that Kate had been looking at then got up from his barstool and sat down in the one next to hers, introducing himself as Josh. She smiled and told him her name was Kate and that was where things began. They were happy together for only knowing each other a short amount of time. By the time Castle had showed up it had been almost six months and they were going strong. Sure Kate still dreamt about Castle sometimes but it was not as much as it used to be. But him showing up wanting back in to be her shadow again had caused her to dream about him for nights on end, when she should be dreaming about Josh and a possible life with him.

Anyhow Kate and Josh's relationship began to strain and they began getting into some fights over how he's putting more into the relationship than she is and she wouldn't fight him back on it because she knew he was telling the truth and sometimes that would lead them into more fighting, the fact that she just took it and didn't fight back with him. She had feelings for him yes, but with Castle back in her life her feelings for him returned and she wanted to hate him for it. But she couldn't even if she wanted to.

About six and a half months into their relationship Kate broke up with Josh after having Castle back for only two weeks. He was upset as he rightfully should be, she had strung him along for as long as she could before she couldn't take it anymore. He tried to ask her what he did that lead to this but she couldn't give him the answer he wanted. She told him that she just wasn't in this 100% which was true. Just it wasn't the whole truth. That night she cried herself to sleep with guilt. She had finally had something good come along after Castle left but then she had to go and fuck it up. Why did he have to come back? She wanted him to, but she didn't know how it would affect her.