The Truth About Him; Shawn Mendes [COMPLETED]

18

One month later
January 23
3:34 am

Erin sat wide awake, thinking about all she ever used to think about.

She thought about his brown wavy hair that sometime curled, his topaz eyes that sparkled a honey mixed with caramel, the way he always dressed black on black and managed to make it work, the way he laughed when he was scrolling through twitter and something funny caught his eye, or the way he would burn his tongue on hot coffee and try to play it cool- all the things he used to do when she still worked at the cafe, still admiring him and treating him with kindness and compassion.

She couldn't seem to shake the thought of Shawn out of her mind. It had been a full month since her and Cole kissed in front of Shawn, obviously making him jealous.

After 2 weeks of pretending to be a couple, Cole managed to find himself a real girlfriend and Shawn completely stopped visiting Erin, leaving the both of them to end their fake relationship in peace.

She was happy at first, all she wanted was to hurt Shawn back but here she was feeling regret wash upon her at almost 4 am. Despite her conscious telling her not to do anything, she pushed her comforter off of her and walked over to her desk. Pulling out a sheet of paper, she began writing.

To Shawn
For the longest time, I liked you. Then something changed- you got a girlfriend. She was gorgeous. Captain of varsity cheerleading if I'm correct, obviously she was known all over campus and was extremely popular. I remembering seeing you two together the first time, my heart dropping to the floor. Yet I still continued to be nice to you. Then you started bringing her to the cafe everyday. I had to watch you hold her hand, kiss her, hug her, show any sign of the affection I desired so badly from you. I couldn't take it anymore, so I quit. I was happy for a while, not having to see her but that didn't mean I didn't miss you. Then that night you came running through the rain, I felt like there might've been a chance for us. Yvette told me the next day you came looking for me, I was so ecstatic, if only you saw me. Here's where everything slowly fell apart for me, and for you too I suppose. I saw her, your loving girlfriend? I saw her drunkenly kiss Jack, practically swallowing each other. I tried to tell you like the good person I thought I was being. I didn't want you to find out unexpectedly, and risk your heart breaking more. So I told you. And you reacted horribly. I thought you were the one to have been heartbroken but it was me that ended up with my heart in pieces. You changed in my eyes that day: a sick, disgusting, aggressive, and rude monster. I hated you. I promised myself I was gonna hate you forever, but here I am spilling my feelings all over in this stupid fucking letter that you probably won't even finish. Me and Cole's relationship was fake- just like you guessed. I just wanted to hurt you, to show you how it felt. But I regret it now. After everything you put me through, every harsh word I tolerated from you- I'm sitting here feeling like the bad guy. I regret everything I said to you, and I realize that I do miss you and that I do still love you. I guess I always will. After everything we've been through, i still love you. And while you've might have wished this for me, I hope you find someone who can treat you better. A lot better than I did.
Yours truly
Erin Conrad