My Darkest Shadow

Chapter 28

When I regained consciousness I was panting, soaked in sweat, and sobbing. My head spun from my rapid breathing. Perspiration stuck to me and chilled my skin. Eyes darting around the dimly lit room, I tried to remember why my heart pounded in my chest. Then it came to me.

Breaths stopped as I raised my left hand, shaky and fearful of the ramifications of my actions. But my hand was fine, the smallest finger perfectly intact other than a jaggedly cut nail. I rotated it slowly in disbelief.

This is a dream. Blinking hard, I tried to wake up.

Dark walls and five-foot ceiling made my surroundings feel claustrophobic. Under me, the mattress brought me even closer to the ceiling. I could reach out and touch it with my hand.

In my recent nightmares, Kael appeared from nowhere, his expression passive and his intentions cruel. He did so now, emerging from shadows on my right. Falling back, I expected the apathetic look he always wore in these dreams, but he looked more concerned than passive.

He slid to a seat in front of me, his hands taking either side of my face. "Harper, I didn't hurt you." His palm held my cheek. It felt so warm and real.

I looked down at my finger again. "But I saw it." My voice was hoarse.

"That was nothing, a decoy. I assumed... but I should have told you." He reached out and hugged me then. When he backed away, I regretted not hugging him back. Never had I felt such relief.

Something rough brushed my arm as his hand slid down my arm. A white bandage covered part of his right hand. My eyes shot to his.

Kael lifted the bandage and rotated his hand, showing me. He must have taken a gash out of the base of his hand. Remembering all the blood, my jaw slacked and I sat back against the wall. I didn't want to know if the supposed finger was a fake or chunk of his own skin. Either way, it was an insane deception that had fooled even me.

"Lila was right." Kael leaned on hands that rested on either side of me. "I just wanted to blame someone for Maria." Kael reached out a bandaged hand to tuck hair behind my ear. "But Arthur didn't want to hurt her. That bullet was meant for me."

"That's no better."

Kael shook his head and looked away. He couldn't know how much I'd grown to care for him. That his being here was the only link I still had to sanity. He wouldn't understand.

Overwhelming nausea swelled in my stomach. "I don't know who I am anymore or what came over me. Maria... it's too much."

Kael was a blur through my tears, but I felt his forehead fall against mine. Both my hands were swallowed in his. My shoulders shook. Everything was a mess now. Maria's death was irreparable, the damage I'd done with Arthur likely the same. Kael would leave to become Arias. Nothing was right and I was powerless to fix it.

"I shouldn't have been there. If I left that gun, she never would have..."

"You can't bargain, Harper. Trust me you can't make this right."

"What then?" I asked. Wincing, I clutched the arms that held me, digging into his skin more than I should.

"Accept."

Kael's voice was soft. Hazel eyes were all I could see in front of me. Searching his face, I saw the resolution that came from accepting all he had lost, especially his sister Kiley. There were no tears left. But the empathy in his eyes pulled me toward him, longing for the comfort his proximity offered.

"Boss?" Lila's husky voice drifted up to the loft.

Her presence downstairs made me realise how near our faces were. Maybe I felt more desolate than ever before, but kissing him would only make things worse. I dropped my forehead on his shoulder.