My Darkest Shadow

Chapter 24

We didn't speak until the car locks clicked into place. Darkness encased us. Heart pounding in my chest, words poured out as I rose shaking hands to the dashboard of my car.

"I don't know what that was! He was horrible and didn't believe me. I had to do something. Was it too much? It was too much." My eyes fixed on my hands. "I'm shaking," I observed to myself. Thankfully I wasn't behind the wheel.

A hand landed on my shoulder. "You're alright. Just breathe."

As usual, Kael's face was unreadable. His focus seemed just above my chin, but it shifted so quickly to my eyes that I wondered if I had imagined it. The memory of his kiss flooded my senses. Goosebumps rose on my arms and my breath caught. The timing for this recall couldn't be worse.

He was right; I needed to breathe. With a nod, I turned toward the window to force air into my lungs. Tightness in my chest loosened. On the glass were a few drops of water. Slowly more slid down my shadowy reflection. They reminded me of the persistent rain in England. England reminded me of all I wanted to forget.

"Can we get something to eat?" I asked, without looking back at him. Food may help the shaking and my strange preoccupation with his proximity.

Kael didn't reply, but the car rolled into drive.

A few blocks from this street was one of my favourite cafes. Known mainly to locals, it would still be open for a few more hours. My pointer finger flicked the directions when required, and we arrived at the cafe a few minutes later.

He parked and the seatbelts clicked back without any comment on my performance. I couldn't get myself to go inside without knowing what he thought, but asking outright seemed childish. Worse still was the thought of him critiquing what I'd done. It was mortifying.

Kael's voice broke into my thoughts. "You got what we needed."

"But?"

"What would you have done if I answered the door instead of Mitch?"

I looked sideways, trying to imagine. "I guess I'd do the same."

Kael frowned and ducked out of the car. He waited for me by the trunk, hands shoved deep in the pockets of his dark trench coat. Dipping his head toward me, he talked as we walked.

"Mitch was all talk and we both knew it. You have to evaluate your opponent. Know when you can beat them and when you can't."

Inside the cafe, the smell of hot coffee and warm pastries filled the air. A surprising number of people had chosen the spot for a late night java. Clusters of study groups mixed with lone workaholics, pressing through the final hours to make deadlines. There were a few empty seats by the fireplace at the back. After ordering, we settled in opposite each other on two seated sofas. Between tearing off pieces of bagel, my hands wrapped around my coffee for warmth. Kael put his tea on the table between us.

"So I should ask you," I said, "if I don't have a chance of beating my opponent, what should I do?"

Kael made a rough sound in the back of his throat before slipping around the table between us to sit beside me. No doubt the intent was to speak in confidence, but the change in seating arrangements startled me.

The fire's temperature seemed to spike. When I took a sip of my coffee the warmth spread through my face and settled there. Noises around me turned into a distant rumble. Somehow, I felt his heartbeat against my chest just as I had that night when he'd kissed me. He was close, so terribly close.

I studied the side of my cup where the barista had scrolled some semblance of my name. Why can't he remember? Why must I be stuck with a memory that he doesn't have?