My Darkest Shadow

Chapter 44

The metal gate to the rooftop deck clanged closed as I stepped outside, the sound resonating off the waist-high brick wall that encircled the space. Time had run away as Arthur prepared me for this conversation. In the end, it was all the same, a strategic approach to getting him to listen to me. As my eyes roamed over the few rod iron chairs and broken flower pots in the desolate space, I began to worry we'd taken too long. He may not even be up here anymore.

Stepping further onto the terrace, I saw him. Arm propped on a bent knee, he sat in a wide cut out in the brick border overlooking the city.

Car horns and motorbike engines were a distant hum. Lights of London twinkled like stars in the distance. Sighing, I collected my thoughts and tried to slow my breathing. I'd had a million difficult talks with him. Just this time, the outcome was a matter of life or death.

"Strong. Accepting." I whispered my mantra. With any luck, Kael wouldn't read my inner panic. He'd only see me as a concerned friend, coming to discuss his options.

As I neared he didn't look at me, though he must have heard the door close when I came out. He appeared more relaxed having removed his coat and unbuttoned the top two buttons of his black dress shirt.

Don't read my mind, Kael. For once, just leave my thoughts to me.

Standing over him, I cleared my throat. "Hey."

Kael finally looked up. His hazel eyes were bloodshot, the rings around them darker than before. Moving his bent leg inward made room for me. I sat down across from him. My first impression was that he was exhausted, but I couldn't decide if he had calmed his temper. Resisting the urge to stare and analyse him, I looked out at the city as well.

Even at night, London seemed alive and vibrant, as if everyone in the world were living their lives to spite our calamity. How to start or what to say alluded me so I stayed silent for a moment. If only Arthur could have done this. Or Garrett. Or Garrison. I once prided myself on handling difficult conversations but this was too much.

"You took off the bandage."

Kael's quiet observation turned my attention so fast my neck hurt from the jerk. "Oh this." I held up my palm trying to remember. There was something I needed to ask him about this. Happy to talk about something other than his suicide mission, I quickly added, "There's one you missed."

Frowning, he extended his hand. I offered mine. When he studied the spot, the corners of his mouth twitched down in disappointment.

"Sorry, Harper." His thumb ran over the spot. "I'll need my tools or maybe..."

Unexpectedly, his mouth came down against my palm. Needles spread up my arm and distracted me from the pain. Like it was happening again, I felt those same lips on mine. They were on my skin, and I couldn't feel anything else. Emotions surfaced and my heart couldn't suppress them as it should. In my mind he was holding me, kissing me with all the passion he'd had that night.

Finally, he dropped my hand, but my head still spun.

Stop! What's wrong with me?

I pushed my emotions back, deep inside me where they belonged. All this talk of him dying had confused me. I didn't want him to touch me, to hurt me, to -

"You came out here to talk." Kael's observation interrupted my thoughts.

Realizing the dangerous direction I'd let my mind travel, I retracted my hand and studied the red spot where the splinter had been. Where his mouth had been.

Blinking, I tried to focus. This was my mind's worst attempt at getting me through this, distracting me from the task at hand.

"Did Henry send you?" Kael caught my confused look and shook his head as if reminding himself. "Arthur. Did Arthur talk to you?"