unexpected {bs}

Chapter 46

I AM SO SORRY I CAN'T EVEN EXPLAIN ON HOW SORRY I AM FOR NOT UPDATING. but I'm updating now because I have 40k which I cannot thank you guys enough for.

IMPORTANT

AUTHORS

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ABS POV.

I'm starting to think that saying that 'I'm fine' all the time isn't actually going to make me better at all or help in anyway because right now, I'm not fine. I've gone past the fine point and everything has come crashing down. No part of me thought it was going to be this tough. It's not just me who goes through all this pain, it's everyone. and nothing is ever going to be the same until I'm gone because no one can be happy, no one can fake a smile and I haven't heard anyone laugh in a long time.

I don't even live at home any more. I moved back in with my mum because I'm not very independent and I need my mothers support. It's horrible not having brad here everyday. He comes down to Brighton a lot though and I'm glad I get to spend my last month with him. I don't know where I would be without brad.

You feel the effects of having a heart disease. You know your becoming slower and you can feel your heart rate decreasing and it feels like everything is going in slow motion. It's weird, really weird. But I guess you have to get used to it. Before I go, I want to do everything on my bucket list. whether it be try sushi or go zorbing! I don't mind as long as I don't spend the rest of my time doing nothing all day.

BRADS POV

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I can't sleep.

I can't eat,

I can't concentrate,

I can't do anything!

My life has took a turn for the worse and I'm telling you now, it's not going to get better anytime soon. I just can't seem to focus on now. I can only think about the future, what it's going to be like without abbie in my life. And as much as I don't want to think about it, I can't run away from it. because I can't run away from something that I know has to happen. I can't just run from that, I can't run from Abbie.

To make things worse, Abbie felt that she needed to move back home, back to brighton. so I can't spend every last day abbie has with me. And as much as I get to visit her and go down to Brighton, it's not the same as her living next door. it never will be the same without abbie.

I know I haven't been acting myself recently and it's not just me who's noticing, everyone else is too. I haven't gone outside In two days and I've been cooped up in my bed, wishing abbie was beside me, watching Netflix. Sometimes I think 'what would it be like if She wasn't dying' then I imagine we would be happy. watching films all day with Jaffa cakes and popcorn, whilst we cuddle into each other's arms with a blanket over us. That's what I wish for. If there's anything I physically need -not want, but need is for abbie to be well again.

It's not only me who's obviously showing sadness, but Jess and Charlotte have been pretty bad recently too. They haven't been out of the apartment for days also. instead tris and James visit them whilst con mostly stays with me.

Without con helping for these past few days, I don't know where I would be. He's just a lovely person to have as a friend. he's always there when you need him, if your upset he makes you somehow makes you smile and if something falls in your life, he's there to pick it up.

I honestly don't know why he's single, he's a good guy and such a loving person.

Today I'm finally getting out of the apartment and I'm visiting Abbie and her family. She asked me to come down because some of her family is visiting. I think it's her dad's parents and her dad's sisters and her sons and daughters. She said that all her family are very excited to meet me and are very welcoming so they will like me.