As few of you may know, I take antidepressants.
It's not something I try to glamorize and make it seem like it's saving me, but I think about it a lot.
What antidepressants do, is they lessen your emotions. If I was off my medication and Dan Smith tweeted to me, I would be absolutely ecstatic and probably cry. But as I am currently taking them, I feel like I would just be happy.
Don't get me wrong, I would still be completely overjoyed, but my medication makes my highs and lows flat line. I've lost most of my emotions and am becoming slightly robotic.
I like to say every day, week, month, year, etc, adds up to zero. Always.
If something amazing happens to start off your day, someting will probably happen to balance it out to zero. For example, if you ace your chemistry test, you would "gain 15 points." But oh no! You forgot your math homework and now have to do double homework tonight. Minus 15 points."
My medication is currently lessening the points.
Something that would've typically gotten 30 points would be reduced to 15-20 points. Everything seems like less of a rollercoaster, which would be enjoyable if I was trying to just go through life with minimal existing. Unfortunately, I'm in my "best years" that are supposed to be lovely if you can experience them fully. All my friends are on roller coasters, but I'm stuck on the kiddie rides because I'm too short. I'm talking to my dad about maybe me trying to go without my medication for a few days to see how it impacts me, or trying a new medication.
If anybody reccomends a specific medication, please let me know.
thanks.
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UPDATE 22/8/17
I've been feeling supremely uninspired. Dani and Ray have been sending me ideas, but I can't write them. I've been flatlining still. My dad claims "its better than desperation," but it frankly is just bottling things up for when I drop my meds. It's not healthy for me. I've lost Avery for a while now. Since the second week of August. I really hope that I can get my emotions back soon.
thanks guys.
