Random.Reality.Rants

R.R.R. #7

This time I really am serious.

I don't expect to get any advice nor have people read this. Actually, I am hoping nobody reads this.

After a couple of year sthat I had been trying to balance out my life and try some things I never thought I'd ever do...I came to a realization that maybe most of them were nothing but pointless and delusional efforts.

I once remembered myself as someone who had a lot of confidence in herself, who dreamed of many things, who always tried doing things that she could call her own, who imagined herself in totally outrageous situations that would make her feel better about herself. 

I had been like that.

But now...instead of pursuing those and further exceed my limits, I started curling up into a tiny blanket of other people's expectations...people whom I thought would even try to sew more cloth on my blanket but turns out, they prefer cutting it with sharp pointed hurtful scissors.

It suck.

It sucks that even in here...I had to use all sorts of rhetorical words to express myself in fear of once again being judged.

Honestly, I don't care about what others say. Unfortunately, those 'others' aren't really the ones who say bad things but those I considered important to me.

The confidence I once had was drained like a dirty laundry water that I can't even find the motivation to continue writing and adding up chapter in my stories.

T_T