❝ you, my darling, will always be my little secret ❞
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life is a blur and a mystery. we learn this through a tale in which the wrong place, the wrong time and the wrong amount of alcohol accumulates in so much more than planned for simon cowell and...
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fourteen (finale): hell, heaven and hospitals
David slowly awoke to the strong smell of disinfectant. He tried to open his eyes, but he couldn't. They felt glued shut, like he was not turned on. Trying to grab Simon's body, panicking, his hands and fingers were stuck. He couldn't move. He tried to yell out for help but no words came out. His body was frozen.
Suddenly, he felt like he was being strangled, or stabbed in the throat, and all of a sudden he felt his voice cracking. "Simon?" He tried to croak out, but nothing worked. Pins and needles were flooding through his body and he tried to move his hands, patting the bed until he found a hand and gripped it hard.
"David!" A voice exclaimed. Matt. Not Simon, but Matt. David's eyes ached, like they were being squeezed hard and he could finally open them. Aside from his hand and eyes, the rest of his body was numb. In his vision all he could see was a white ceiling. Why was he with Matt?
"Matt." He croaked, his voice aching.
"David, oh I've missed you so much. You- Fuck, so much has been happening. I've been here every day, I promise. I've only left to get food or get a few hours sleep. Jimmy was here when I wasn't. Even Alfred came. We tried everything to wake you up."
David's brain went haywire. What was Matt talking about? Every day? Where was he? The last thing he remembered was falling asleep next to Simon.
Simon.
"Where's Simon?" David managed to ask, his whole body aching. He moved his head to see wires poking out of his body. His hands fumbled on the plastic tubes, trying to pull them out.
"Simon who?" Matt asked, a confused look on his face.
"What do you mean, stupid? Simon Cowell." David questioned, shaking. Who else would he be talking about but his boyfriend? Why wasn't his boyfriend here? What the fuck was going on? He knew they'd had an argument but the last thing he remembered was falling asleep next to Rob after the three of them had gotten drunk.
"I don't know. Haven't seen him since the BGT final party for Season 11. He came with you to the hospital. He's the one that found you. He was shaking so much, and once I was with you he just ran off, not coming back. I don't have his number so I have no way of contacting him." He told David, who's face went pale. Matt suddenly froze and realised what was wrong.
"What? What do you mean? It's-" David asked, tears streaming down his face.
Season 11 has been and gone, David thought, and he'd spent nearly every other day with Simon since then. Soon the episodes for Season 12 would be airing. What was Matt talking about? Bad more importantly, where was he and why did he have tubes coming out of his whole body.
Matt paled. "What's the date, David?"
The comedian rolled his eyes, "December 12th 2017. Why?"
It was not December 12th 2017.
"Oh god. They said this could happen but I didn't think it would. You don't even know what happened, do you?" The short man's voice wavered. David shook his head, trembling as he tried to pull the tubes out of his arm.
Matt grabbed his hands and looked at him, tears streaming down his face.
"You were at the BGT party and went out for air. Alesha said something about you and Simon having an argument. As you were walking out a drunken driver drove his truck straight into you," Matt held back a sob, "you've been in a coma for 3 months, David. It's the 26th of August 2017."
"No, no, you have to tell me where Simon is. Please. I need to see him. He-" David screamed, trying to thrash out of his bed. He could move. The wires held him in place. He curled up on the bed and sobbed.
"You lived an alternate life whilst you were asleep, David. The nurses said it could happen. I just didn't think it would." Matt cried.
"Matt, I need to see him. I need him to tell me he loves me again. I need to love him back." David shouted at him, sobbing and lashing out at Matt, hitting him in the face. Matt yelped and hit the panic button, and immediately nurses came and held David into restraints. Matt ran out the room sobbing.
It was all a dream. That night he didn't remember? It never happened. None of it happened. It was all a dream.
Within a week, David was allowed back home and Matt sat next to him on the bed, sniffling as he hugged the man. David felt disorientated for quite a few days, struggling to separate real life from fantasy. But it wore off after a few days and it felt like a story, like a dog eared paper back that you'd read so many times you could tell it in your sleep.
He'd been having shocking nightmares, where his friends were dying and trying to grab his hands for safety but all he could see were people whispering darkly that everything with Simon was all a dream. David would wake up screaming his lungs out and the nurses would have to calm him down.
"I'm so glad you're back. Are you gonna tell me what... happened, while you were in a... you know?" Matt phrased the question carefully.
David shook his head, before saying, "I'm going to write it. I'm going to write it like a story and give it to you. It's easier that way. It would take me days to explain the whole thing."
Matt's face fell with sympathy. He couldn't imagine what it must be like to have lived a separate life for a few months. He decided to leave David alone.
The tall comedian stood up and sat at his desk, pulling out a big, leather, spiral bound notepad and began to write.
David woke up just as the light filtered through the shutters of the window, an aching feeling travelling from the back of his neck and down his spine. He must have fallen asleep on his couch last night, after getting a taxi home from the after party. The memories of last night were not retainable, and his head was throbbing from what he assumed was the amount of alcohol he had consumed. The surroundings were unusual to him, and as his eyelids fluttered open, he was confused to discover that the walls he perceived in front of him were not the same shade as the ones in his house. Instead of white, the walls were cream. As his senses kicked in, his brain waking up properly, he heard something vibrate. He sat up, looked down, to see he was only wearing his grey Calvin Klein boxers. Blinking in confusion, his eyes properly adjusted, and he realised he was not at home.
He was in Simon Cowell's dressing room.
As they are dinner late that night, David was still scribbling away. Matt twirled spaghetti bolognese around his fork and watched as David's dinner lay untouched.
"What're you gonna name it?" Matt asked in curiosity.
"I'm going to call it My Little Secret." David whispered with a small smile.
The end.
So no one guessed the title's hidden meaning. It wasn't that David was Simon's Little Secret, it was that the whole journey they had been on (which didn't actually happen) was David's little secret. No one would ever know it like David did.
Also, I'm guessing some of you will be too busy drowning in your own tears till realise that this book is what David wrote for Matt. If that makes sense. Hopefully it does.
