Right As Rain (Complete)

Chapter 27

Maelee

I make it out of the conference room and into the hallway before I lose is. The transplant chopper leaves in ten minutes, giving me eight to pull myself together. Dr. Holt is the director of this hospital and I am a fellow. As much as I want to call and tell him he should give it to someone else, I won't. No matter the reason behind him choosing me for the transplant, he still did.

On my way to the locker room, I see Hudson down the hall, walking towards me. I contemplate running the other direction as fast as I can, but his wide smile tells me it's too late.

"I didn't think I would get to see you until later," he says, approaching with outstretched arms. His happy eyes, deep dimple, and calming voice almost break me. I'm not ready to deal with this. All I wanted was to splash my face with some water, catch my breath, and refocus. But here he is, in all his beautiful glory, with open arms. He notices, much sooner than I would like, something isn't right. "Whoa, hey!" He drops his smile, looks around quickly to make sure we are alone, and rushes towards me. "What's going on?" he asks, pulling me into his arms.

I'm quick to fight out of his hold and take a step away. Hurt flashes across his face. "What's wrong?" he asks again, this time more commanding.

I don't want to tell him. I don't want to tell him he's a popstar and I'm a doctor and those things don't mix. I don't want to tell him I can't compete with models and actresses and Playboy bunnies. I don't want to tell him his lifestyle, his career, his passion, make it so we can never be together. So, I lie.

"I'm late, I need to go," I say, turning to walk away.

He steps in front of me and blocks my path down the hall. He's not dumb, though this would be much easier if he were. "I'll walk you out," he says. His deep voice is raspy and worry is laced thickly between his words.

After my breakdown last night, he wanted to listen. He promised he would always listen; even if he didn't know what to say. That's the problem, isn't it? I don't want him to listen.

I pull my arm from his grasp and brush past him. "I can walk myself out."

Hudson grabs my wrist and pulls me to him, my chest flush against his. My body betrays me. My knees go weak and shake with anticipation as his breath fans across my cheek and down my neck. "Maelee," he pleads, sending vibrations from his chest into my own.

If all of this were real, it would have its intended effect: I would melt. He would calm me. And I would tell him everything that just happened. But this isn't real. He's a pop star looking for his next screw and I'm a dumb girl who fell for his games.

For the last six months I have done everything possible to be considered a respected member of this hospital and Hudson ruined it in two days. The sleepless nights, the extra calls, the covering of shifts: it was all for nothing. Nothing will change the fact that another physician –a young female physician– thinks I'm a fraud because of him.

She has every right to be angry. She believes Holt gave me the surgery because of Hudson, and maybe he did. Her beliefs about me hurt much more than James'. James is horrible and I would like punch him in the nuts but all he did was validate what the fellow had been saying.

I want to get surgeries because I'm good at what I do, not my connections with celebrities and things printed in the paper. This is my life: my work, my career, my peers... and it's all real. My continued preaching to Jessica and Hudson has been a lie. Life is real. Very real. And it fucking sucks. I won't sacrifice my reputation at the hand of his.

Filled with anger, I push Hudson away. "Why can't you leave me alone?" I yell. "Do you not get it? Your friend is my patient, that's it! I don't need you to be here for me! I don't need your sympathy. I don't need your comfort. I don't need you!"