My Beautiful Mind

21.

Within an hour, the Forest melts away to rolling hills and flat plains as far as the eye can see. Empty is how I can best describe it with most of my extensive vocabulary gone to the paralyzing awe and wonder that invades every fiber of my being. There is no sign of human life here, no sign other life beyond the grasses and the occasional tree. Even as the wolves stay close to the very edge of the vast openness, I feel as though we're violating this placid quiescence. "I never ever thought I'd ever live to experience for myself the worlds beyond New York," Jamie murmurs close in my ear, as if shouting over the the wind and paws would only add to our unwarranted invasion. "Little did we know our innocent little daydreams could lead to this," I reply, struggling to remember what life was like before. I turn my head around at all degrees trying to commit everything to memory, to brand the exact coloring of the multiple shades of earthy tones to my mind for fear that if I blink, all of this could disappear as quickly as it came crashing down on me.

For another several hours we're indulged with this too good to be possibly true scenery–a sight with which Mathias would've had a field day. Just as I'm beginning to wrap my head around the fact that somewhere out there, in the myriad of universes, there exists such a completely untouched utopia, the rolling hills give away to meadows covered in vibrant wildflowers. The wolves slow down to a trot by the far perimeter of the meadow for an early lunch. I nearly jump off Bram's back the second he settles on the grass to let Jamie and I off. I make a beeline for the dandelions, daisies, poppies and sit down amongst them. I don't dare rip them from the ground for my own temporary amusement, not wishing to destroy the delicate, fragile blooms. Stroking the petals with the back of my hand, I can't stop the gleeful grin plastered on my face. This is a childhood dream come true, a scene in a fairytale, to be able to frolic in a field of flowers with the sun shining down on my shoulders.

Jamie soon joins me in the meadow with sandwiches in hand. He smiles at my obvious delight and lays back on the ground with his eyes closed, "This can't get any better, can it?" I sigh and retract my hand from a purplish-red poppy, "It's crazy to think that another day's trip north will take us to a bloody battlefield." We eat our sandwiches in contemplative silence and watch from afar as our creations group together with the shifters laughing and talking. "You've chosen to stay over here away from them," Jamie says softly, gesturing to the girls. I turn to him and look into his gray eyes, eyes that have experienced the very same banalities of life as I had–school, summer jobs, applying to college, going to college. "Emy tells me I need to be careful to not get too sucked into their lives, that I must find the magic and wonder of my own world, our own world." I release a deep breath and observe with slight jealously as the girls happily revel in this world because they belong here. "I suppose I need to start distancing myself before I can no longer differentiate between what's real and what's not. Being with you helps with it all."

He finishes the last bite of his sandwich and chews, appearing in deep thought. "There were times I wished I could go to either Will's or Wraethe's worlds and never come back. My parents' divorce, the stress of applying to college, losing Evan–they all took away that joy I had." The air around us suddenly becomes heavy and suffocating as another painful memory goes unspoken. "But I eventually learned that you and I, we're allowed to have both. We can escape for a bit and then return to our beds for the night." Jamie continues after a brief pause and leans forward and puts his hand on top of mine, "Don't give up on the life waiting for you in Queens, but you don't have to feel like you have to sacrifice the one thing that brings you joy to do so. It's one of the last things Evan told me." I give Jamie a watery smile and hug him from my place amongst the wildflowers. "Thank you. I really needed to hear that, Jamie." Jamie gently rubs my back in soothing strokes and tucks my head under his chin.

"That's not the only reason why we're over here," he says to me quietly. I turn slightly to look at him, "I'm trying, Jamie. I'm really trying. Baby steps you told me." I pause and glance at the group. "I'm trying, right?" I ask brokenly. Jamie gives me a sad smile, "That's for you to decide for yourself, Elin."