A light of my life [DD fanfiction]

Part 1 'Stranger'

Robert was walking down the path, ending another pack of cigarettes. On the other side, he saw a posture.

'That woman with child again.' he thought, when he closed up. Woman, that moved to the left house in parallel street, was struggling with her little baby. Child was crying and wiggling around. She couldn't handle it, he could see it clearly.

She moved again, forward.

He didn't had anything better to do, so, he decided to walk after her.

Ah, she walked inside. He gave her a little bit of time, so she can make herself home. Then, he knocked the door, three times.

'Yes? How can I help you?' she asked, standing inside. Robert breathed heavily, smiling the best he could.

'Hi, I uh... saw you struggling in the streets today, and I... The name's Robert. Robert Small. I thought... I see you really often, alone with small folk around, and I thought I could help you somehow?' he asked, struggling. Woman dryed her face from tears and smiled back.

'My name is Damien. Damien Bloodmarch.' „she" said back, squeezing his hand in greet.

Oh shit. It's a man. Robert, get yourself togheter.

'I have to be tired of my life, if I let a stranger to my child.' he shrugged, walking upstairs. Robert followed. He could already hear baby's screams.

He closed up to crib and looked at small one.

Damien was sitting in chair, next to crib. Looked like he was heavily depressed.

Robert knew a little bit of children things. Had a contact with his daughter for 1 year of her life. Her mother was crazy dude though. Took her away, calling Robert alcoholic and aggressive man.

He held Lucien very carefully, waving his arms slowly in different directions.

'Haha, not that bad, huh?' he smiled, when he started to falling asleep. Damien looked at him with very tired eyes.

'You are kidding me, is he sleeping?' Bloodmarch got up fast and took a look at his child. No way.

'If I'm not missing anything, yep. Young folk is sleeping.'

'How the hell would you do that?'

'If you want to talk, we should leave him sleeping here.' they talked over sleeping Lucien. Damien agreed and he left small light in his room.

They sat down on the couch and looked at eachother for a long time, without a word.

'Is it too fast to ask questions about, from where are you, and-'

'I guess so.' Robert tried to start a talk, but Damien cut it out in second.

'You don't seem like a person, who knows how to handle a child. I'm impressed.' Damien sat comfier on the couch, leaning his head lower.

'I'm father of one. Val, is her name.'

'Short from Valerie?'

'I guess? My ex-wife gave her that name. I always called her Val. She would smile everytime at me, when she heard I'm calling her that.'

'So you are...'

'She took her away after one year. Called me alcoholic and aggresive. Have no idea, where they can be.' they talked for a while.

'I'm sorry for your loss. It must be rough.'

'It is, sure.'

Damien felt strange compassion to his neighbor. And stranger than that, he wanted to open up to him as well.

'What about you?'

'I... I guess I would like to talk about it some another day.'

He is still a stranger. He has to wait.

'So, why did you get so suprised on Lucien, falling asleep so fast?' Robert laughed a little bit. Boodmarch put a little bit of his hair on his back and shrugged.

'Lucien is very restless. And by that I mean, last 7 months was kind of hell for both of us. I did everything to escape it. I guess I made it, but he is still under big pressure.' he started explaining it all. Robert changed his seat, expecting the whole story. Damien breathes nervously.

'It's really long story, you know?'

'We have time, Damien. No rush. I can spend whole life, listening to you.' Robert smiled at him softly, and in response, other man giggled.

'Same day, I realised I feel like a man, more than women, I found out I'm pregnat. My husband broke down, like, completly. This was, when he started drinking more and more. Getting back late home, our bungalow was trashed and dirty. I haven't enough power. When things got rough, in third trimester, my best friend Mary, just brought me at her place. Just like that. And she did everything for me and my son. Mary was the one, who convinced me to take care of him. I wanted to give him to adoption, I was thinking I couldn't make it all. She was holding my hand, at the labor. And when Lucien turned 6 months old, Mary got engaged. Which meant for us, getting back home. We could make it for one month, more or less. I got hit once, when my husband drank too much again. And I decided, it's time to get away. That's how we are here today. The only thing, I'm struggling now with, is hormonal curation.

It's hard to raise Lucien, you know? It's even worse than if I was on my period. I'm afraid I could lose control and hurt him somehow.

I don't want it.'

Damien ended sadly, breathing heavily. His eyes looked more like glass, slowly filling up with tears.

'Hey, guess what, Damien? You seem really brave, but I see you don't have enough experience to take care of a child. What about, I will help you from time to time? You will have enough time to take care of you, with hormonal curation, and then, I will play with Lucien, withour nerves. What do you think?' Robert offered himself to young man. Why?

He wasn't that kind, normally, so after what he said, he was suprised.

'I think I don't have any better exit, you know? As long as it's not a problem for you, I will be pleased to have you by my side.'

Damien agreed. It could actually work. All he wanted for Lucien, was wellness and happiness.

***
After talking with Damien, showing him some tricks to put baby to sleep, he went home. It was late, and he felt like Damien should rest as well.

And he had to think about, what he just done. Offering himself as a babysitter?

When his wife left him, Robert promised himself, that he will stop thinking about it. That he can make it himself, alone.

But the voice inside his head, screaming 'You are alcoholic and total crap!', the loneliness, pulled him down and down. Until he was done as an actual crap.

He collapsed on his bed like a rock and started to fall asleep.

'I guess they are going to be the end of me.' he though, smiling a little bit to himself, and a little bit to stars.

***
Your dad has to be crazy, to let completly stranger to his baby, right?

Dear Lucien.

You will probably never understand my pain. In most important, I don't want you to feel it. Never ever, sweetheart.

I saw your smile, for the first time, since we had much stress in our life, and...

this smile was meant for Robert.

You always smile to people, that you have feeling, they are alright. Robert seemed like a criminal to me, at first. And you would never smile at bad people. Newborns have that special ability to feel others.

You were my sense of safety then.

Later, it turned out, that your choice made Robert's life a little brighter.