Love over Hate

Talking Things Out

 It took your eyes a moment to adjust to the darkness of the living room. All the curtains were drawn, the lights off, and it was almost completely pitch-black inside. You could barely see him sitting there, sprawled out in one of the arm chairs, his long legs stretched out in front of him. "Jared...I didn't expect you to be home." You muttered, not knowing exactly what to say.

"I couldn't go to work." He muttered, his voice low and hard to read. Caught between wanting to head up to your room, but also wanting to run straight to Jared and throw yourself in his arms.

"Jared, I..." You started, but the words died. You had no idea what you wanted to say. What you could say to make things better between the two of you. Reaching up to turn on the light, so you could see Jared's face, he stopped you.

"No, I don't want the light on." He grumbled, and you dropped your hand, staring hard into the darkness, trying to see him. "Do you know how worried I was? You took off, in the middle of the night, and I couldn't stop you. I tried calling, and texting, and you wouldn't answer. I was so scared that something had happened. I couldn't handle that."

"Jared, I'm sorry. But so much had happened. I needed to get away, to find myself." You answered him, taking a step farther into the room, your movements cautious and unsure.

"Did you?" He asked quietly. "While you were scaring the shit out of me, did you find out what you needed to?"

"I don't know." You admitted quietly. It was true. While you had been at the motel, you had made the decision to leave, to start over in a new town. But being here, seeing Jared like this, it had you wondering. Was that the best move? Or were you running from the only good thing you've ever had?

Standing up suddenly, Jared ran his hand through his hair, and in the slim light shining through the window you could see how much of a mess he was. His hair was standing on end, his five o'clock shadow already turning into a full out beard. His clothes were wrinkled and dirty, and you don't think he had changed since the night you had taken off. "Y/N, I don't know what to think. I texted and called, and you called Gen instead. My ex-wife! You quit your job, while I broke my own heart making sure you kept it!" He yelled, and you took a step back, his words slowly registering.

"You did what?" You asked him, ignoring his complaints as you tried to wrap your mind around what he just said. With his hands on his hips, he towered over you, and you knew most people would be intimidated by his size. But it didn't faze you. You were too caught up in your emotions, in trying to figure everything out. And the pain in his eyes had you realizing that this large man was hurting just as much as you were.

"Y/N, I did the only thing I could think of. The heads of the show were threatening to kick you off the show, trying to get some more publicity out of our relationship since it hadn't worked for them before. They told me that either I broke up with you, or they would ship you off to some other network show. Or just fire you all together. I knew how much you loved working on Supernatural. I couldn't take that from you."

"So, you thought ending our relationship was the right solution instead?" You asked incredulously.

"It was temporary!" He argued. "I didn't want to lose you, but I didn't want you to lose your job either!" His voice had raised considerably, the loudest you had ever heard him. There was so much emotion in his words, and even in the darkness you could see the tears shining in his eyes.

"I would have rather lost my job than lose you." You whispered, as he raised his hand up as if he wanted to hold you, but he dropped it. "And now I'm afraid I've lost both."

With a choked sob, you turned and raced from the room, rushing up the stairs, and straight into your room. Seeing Jared at the house when you hadn't expected to have changed things so much. Seeing him in so much pain, trying to talk things through, had taken so much out of you that you weren't thinking straight.

Laying down on your bed, letting the tears fall, you wished for nothing more than to be held in Jared's arms. It had been your comfort zone, the safest place you knew until recently, and you didn't know how to handle the fact that you may never have that again. That your running away and quitting your job might have ruined everything.

"Y/N, running away doesn't solve anything." Jared muttered as he pushed through the door, sitting down on the bed next to you. "It just postpones things, and makes them worse. Please, don't run from me again. How can we work this out between us if you're always running?"

"Jared, I'm sorry. I haven't really had much experience with relationships." You muttered into your pillow. "I've always seemed to break everything I touch, and I figured this was broken beyond repair."

"Y/N, I know you're younger than me, and you don't think you have as much experience. But that doesn't matter. What matters is our feelings for each other. Relationships aren't all rainbows and candy. It takes work, and I know I've messed up too. I should have never made a decision without talking to you first." He told you, laying down behind you and pulling you into his arms. Letting him, you rested your head against his chest, relishing the feel of his arms around you once again.

"Do you think we can fix this?" You said softly, so softly you weren't even sure he heard you.

"Of course." He answered, giving you hope for the first time in a long time. "Y/N, I love you. More than I've ever loved anyone else, and I will do anything in my power to make sure that we stay together. Screw the producers, and their stupid thoughts. You and I belong together, and I will gladly leave the show if that's what needs to happen."

"You can't leave." You argued. "Supernatural wouldn't survive without you, and there's too many people that you help with it."

"Fine. Then we go tomorrow and try to talk them into giving you your job back." He insisted, and you sighed.

"But what if they won't? They wanted me gone, and I gave them the perfect opportunity." You answered unhappily.

"Maybe if we get the fans behind us, the producers will have no choice but to bring you back." Jared thought out loud. "Our t-shirt campaign is ending tomorrow I think. Maybe we can use that to force the producer's hands."