Rose Gold (Scavi)

11. Kiss and Confront

AVI'S POV

I froze when Scott's lips pressed against mine, electricity surging through my body. After a few seconds he pulled back with wide eyes.

"Avi I'm so sor-"

I cut him off by cupping his face and pulling him closer towards me. When our lips met this time, we kissed each other with hungry urgency as if our lives depended on it. I roughly tugged on Scott's hair on the back of his neck, forcing his mouth open. Our tongues intertwined as we fought for dominance.

After a few seconds I started kissing and sucking down Scott's neck. When I bit down on his collarbone he moaned softly, making me look up at him. Scott's head was thrown back and his eyes were closed as his face scrunched up in pleasure. That's when realization dawned upon me. I was making out with a guy...and I actually enjoyed it.

"I can't do this". I instantly pulled away from Scott and ran out of his bunk.

My eyes instantly filled with tears as I lay down on my bunk. Why did I let Scott kiss me? Why did I kiss him back? More importantly, why did I enjoy it so much?

Scott's a guy. I'm not attracted to guys...I mean sure, I admire how some guys look but that doesn't mean I'm sexually attracted to them. Maybe I kissed Scott because I haven't hooked up with anyone in a few months since Eliza and I broke up. Maybe I was just horny, and would've kissed anymore... But that doesn't explain why I think about Scott all the time and feel like a school girl with a crush every time he's around.

When my tears subsided, I took a shower to clear my head and prepare myself to face Scott tomorrow morning.

****************************

The next morning, I found Scott having breakfast in the living area of the tour bus with Esther and Mitch.

I took a deep breath, composing myself. "Morning guys".

"Hey, big daddy" Mitch smiled at me. Scott looked at me hesitantly, and Esther was in the corner typing on her phone.

"Where are you going?" Esther asked curiously.

"I need to stretch my legs after 10 straight hours of being in the bus. Plus it looks nice outside".

Esther nodded, looking back at her phone. When Mitch turned to make  himself a cup of coffee, I met Scott's eyes and nodded at him, gesturing to follow me outside. I walked out of the bus  and Scott followed me in awkward silence. Thankfully there was a cafe nearby since were in the heart of Boston city. When we took a seat, Scott looked at me awkwardly with slightly pink cheeks.

"Scott I- I don't know what go over me last night. I don't know if I was caught up in the moment, or why it happened, but we shouldn't have made out, I-I'm sorry". I felt short of breath and slightly queasy.

"Then, why did we? Why did you kiss me like that?"

"I don't know Scott, I don't fucking know, okay? I don't know why I can't get you out of my mind, and I don't know why I want to be around you all the time, okay?"My voice cracked while my eyes filled with tears.

"You like me?" Scott gasped, smiling slightly.

I nodded while a tear slid down my cheek.

Scott put his palm over my clenched fist gently. "Avi, have you considered that you might be attracted to guys?

"How can it be possible? I'm nearly 26 years old and I've should've had my sexuality figured out by now. My whole life I've been sure I'm straight, but now it's like I don't even know what's true anymore or who I am any more... But no, I'm not gay. I can't be" I shook my head talking to myself mostly.

"Did you like kissing me?" Scott asked.

After a long pause, I reluctantly admitted the truth to both, myself and Scott.

"Yes I did. And, fuck- I want to kiss you again. But that doesn't mean I like men like that, it's just you who I like."

"Avi that's how it starts, usually there's just one guy you find yourself attracted to. It was the same for me in high school-"

"No. Stop. I can't deal with this fucking mess right now. I don't want to talk about this anymore, okay? Let's just forget it ever happened" I pleaded.

"But I don't want to forget it happened. You're the only one who liked the kiss, Avi. I'm so fucking glad it happened. I've liked you as more than a friend since a while and I think you like me that way too. You're just afraid, and I understand that, it's completely normal. I will support you through-"

"I don't need any support. I'll deal with it myself. Here's the menu, I'm starved" I changed the topic, unable to deal with it anymore.