Fear The Living (Never Heard Of It V2)

chapter seven // awareness

disappear from the deh soundtrack is on rn so hey just wanted to tell yall that you guy don't deserve to be forgotten, or fade away, or disappear (expect for those 3 people in america i hope you guys die) and even if youve always been small and 'not part of that popular squad' *cough cough*, you still matter !! love you all !!

~

The CDC was great.

In case you were wondering, the sushi that Jordan and Seryana ate last night was made by Jace. It was pretty surprising to all of us. We all thought Jace wasn't very skilled in the culinary field.

Well guess, what, we all thought wrong.

The only reason Jace was so willing to cook for all of us (with a little help from Violet) was because the facility was so efficient. Hell, Jace would've spent all his days in his kitchen if it were like that.

From time to time, I slipped into Jordan's room again just to give him some snacks. The poor guy was over working himself, so I felt bad.

Mike is still pissed at Jordan. He's still been raving and ranting on about (still) how dumb the idea of Jordan and Seryana are. I wanted to yell at his face that they weren't even together and that Seryana has a soft spot for him, but I wanted to keep it a secret for now.

Dean and I were on the skybridge of the building that connected the A-Wing, where we resided in, to the B-Wing where they stored all their pathogens. Jordan had no access to it; they never told him the passcode to the vault. We were sitting cross legged on the floor, thinking and staring off into the distance where the sight of a destroyed city was.

"I want to get out of here," He mumbles.

"Me too." I agreed.

Since yesterday, we've seen, what, I guess we could call them the undead, emerging from amongst the wreck. It couldn't be the pollution from the air, or else we'd be just like them by now. It had to be something else. What could it be?

"Looking at the way they act gives me the chills. I mean, look at them, they're...different."

We haven't told anyone else about this. We didn't want to alarm them. It's surprising how they haven't noticed yet. Or maybe they have, they're just thinking the same way as us.

I nod in response to what Dean said. It was true, they were staggering everywhere, and the wounds on their bodies didn't seem to affect them. It was like they were immune to pain, but that cant be possible, right? If all their nerves were dead, they wouldn't be able to move either.

"We should tell them soon," I spoke up.

"We cant," He reminded me, "Reuben's gonna start freaking out."

I was also reminded of how much of a coward that guy was.

Apart from that time he almost kicked the door down. I don't know what got in to him at that time.

"Fuck Reuben," I finally said.

"I'm pretty sure that's Violet's job," I muttered.

"What!" I yelled, laughing at the same time.

He started laughing too. Jesus Christ, that laugh.

(A/N @ irl friends: in the upcoming paragraph(s) are very cheesy and this is absolutely not how i feel. all of it is directly taken from "if i could tell her" in the dear evan hansen soundtrack. search up the lyrics if you need proof, which you probably wont. vv good song btw, go listen to it, i rate it 11/10.)

I thought he was...awesome.  There's nothing like his smile; sort of of subtle, and perfect, and real. You'd never know how wonderful that smile could make someone feel.

I knew that whenever he got bored he'd scribble stars on the cuffs of his jeans. And I noticed that he still filled out the quizzes that they put in those teen magazines.

I've always wondered how he managed to do all that odd stuff in front of loads of people with no shame, like all the rest of the world isn't there. He laughed it off like it was nothing, he didn;t let anything get to him. 

But, of course, I kept it all inside my head. I left what I saw unsaid. And even though I really wanted to, I couldn't talk to him before all this happened. I couldn't find a way. But to Venice, I'd always say, "If I could tell him everything I see, and how he's everything to me. But we're a million worlds apart, so I don't know how I would even start."

So what do you do when there's this great divide? And what do you do when the distance is too wide? And how do you say I love you?

I love you.

But, like I said myself, we're a million worlds apart...so I don't know how I would even start.

I sigh, standing up, "I'll head back. They might be looking for us."

He shrugs. "I'm not that significant for them to come looking for me."

I look at him weirdly. "What? What are you saying?"

He shakes his head, not looking at me. "Nevermind. You can go ahead if you want, I'll be with you in a second."

I wanted to stay and nag him about what he had meant, but I decided to leave him alone for now. Maybe he'll forget about it and act really normal after that. But what if it's constantly going through his mind? What if he's just never brought it up? What if all of us had been doing that.

The thought that maybe our group wasn't as strong as I thought we were crossed my mind.

I shudder.

I turn to walk out of the skybridge. I glanced back at him for the last time before leaving. He looked like he was at peace. That made me a little calmer, so I turned to leave, believing he was okay.

~

When the night came, the sushi from yesterday was re-served. Venice sprinted to the cafeteria, grabbing all the sushi she can in revenge to the fact that Seryana and Jordan got sushi yesterday, but not her.

I huffed out a laugh at the sight of her vigorously picking up at least 10 rolls of sushi at once. When she caught sight of me, we stared at each other for at least 4 seconds of silence before she said 'you saw nothing', and walked away with her huge pile of sushi. That just made me laugh even more.

Reuben comes over, "'Ello."

"Hey," I greeted back, giving him a small salute. "Where's Violet?"

"Oh she'll be here in a minute," He responds.

I hum, "Okay. Eat up dude, while we've got it."

He nods and smiles, then goes off on his own. Violet then soon comes along, Reuben's dog running behind her. That was cute.

Jordan walks in with Seryana. They're talking, and whatever Jordan was saying seemed to make Seryana laugh. From my table, where I sat alone, I see Mike right behind them scowling.

He takes a seat next to me. "I sw-"

"Mike, if you say one more word about them," I threatened.

He rolls his eyes, but stays silent. I continued to watch the doorway. I saw Dean come through the doorway. He looked so tired, I felt...something.

He caught me staring at him. I quickly looked down. Damn, now I'm a huge creep.

I feel like he hates me. It's a feeling that I get a lot, but I chose to ignore those other ones. This one, I didn't want to talk to him anymore. I felt irritating. I couldn't handle this. I have to stop being so fucking annoying.

I breathe out heavily, putting my head into my hands. I figured that maybe, for a while, Mike thought I was alright, but it went on for a long time. Longer than I'd iced it to be. I hadn't touched my food at all. He knew something was wrong.

Only him.