Heart: Under Construction

I'm tired, I'm sorry

He pulled the car over to stop, unbuckled his seat belt at humarap sa akin and as for me I look straight outside, I'm afraid that if I looked at him I might give in, and I don't want that "Look at me and hear me out please" he pleaded, wag kang bibigay, yan ang mantra ko.

"I'm listening with my ears, no need to lool at you" I insisted. I'm stubborn and he's not the one to break that attitude of mine. No he never did.

I heard him heaved a deep sigh before he speak again "Isabelle... I'm sorry that I had to do what I think is right"

"And hurting me was the best option you thought of huh?" I answered even though tears are threathening to fall any moment.

"Hindi ba ako nasaktan?" Tanong n'ya

"Then why did you do it? Why leave? Why did you chose to be hurt? Why? At least give me a valid reason!" I retorted. I'm pissed. Bakit parang kasalanan ko pa na nasaktan din s'ya? Ako ba yung nang-iwan?

"Because I wanted to protect you and our son"

"You don't have a son" I'm being harsh I know but what can I do, he's giving me unacceptable reasons on why he left us!

"He's my son and you know how much I love the boy"

"Kung talagang mahal mo s'ya, you should've at least seen him for the past three years, nasaan ka noong binyag n'ya? Nasaan ka noong birthdays n'ya?" I never thought of saying these words to him but I guess pain will make you do everything.

"I was with the both of you!" He screamed tiredly.

"Liar! If you're gonna feed me with more lies then we're done here" lumabas ako ng kotse at nagsimulang maglakad.

Akala ko malalaman ko lahat ng gusto kong malaman pero hindi mag-aaway lang pala kami magkakasakitan lang kami!

"Isabelle stop just hear me out please!" I decided to run pero mabilis n'yang nahawakan ang kamay ko.

"I don't want to hear more lies, pagod na pagod na akong umasa sayo!" I shouted at him. I don't care kung pinagtitinginan na kami ng mga taong dumadaan. I need to vent all this out kasi kung hindi mababaliw ako.

"Everything I said was the truth, I was always with you, I'm watching from afar, gustong-gusto kong lumapit noon binyag n'ya pero naduwag ako, I bought him a gift noon first birthday n'ya pero hindi ko nagawang ibigay because I saw how happy the both of you are, ayokong sirain 'yon" he said whilst crying as hard as I am.

"Bakit mo tiniis? You know you can always comeback home, bakit mas pinili mong masaktan tayo? Was it because I chose my son over you? Or dahil nabaril ka because of us?"

"I-I can't tell you, I'm sorry"

"Then what's the point of hearing you out? Wala ka naman palang balak sabihin? Sana tinuloy-tuloy mo na ang hindi pag-pansin sa amin sana tinuloy mo na para at least makapag move on ako" malat kong sabi. Hirap na hirap na ako, we're always stuck sa ganitong sitwasyon.

I'm not getting any answers at all! I'm always kept in the dark. It's tiring. Tama na.

"Bellamy needed me a while ago"

"Sana hindi na tayo nagpaiwan kung 'yon lang naman pala ang concern mo"

"I took the opportunity to finally talk to you"

"And you just wasted it" kumawala ako sa pagkakahawak n'ya "We're done, thanks for rescuing Bellamy and I kanina, but please do us a favor, if you're not gonna plan on staying with us then stay away like you always do, continue being the coward jerk that you are. Wala kang pinagkaiba kay Greg" I left him.