The Summer Of 1993 (Book 1)

The Letter

Roxies Pov
Today was a total fucking drag, I didn't want to be at school. Even worse I haven't seen or heard from my boyfriend all day. He never even called me last night, which is extremely odd. Chester never tells me something and doesn't do it, so I have been worried about him all day. I can't wait till last period is over and I can go home. I just wanna curl into a ball and cry my eyes out, but i can't not right now. I'm still hurting over the loss of my dad, but even worse I am worried for Jessie and I. Allie told me last night that my mother is already causing problems with child protective services. It hasn't even been two days since my father past away and she is already trying to make my life a living hell. Sometimes I'm convinced she just fucking hates me and wants me gone, but she knows i won't leave Jessie alone.
When the bell finally rang telling me last period is over. I made my way down the hall to my locker to swap out my books. As i put my books away and grabbed my chemestry book to take home, a hand written letter fell to the floor. Chaz i thought to myself, this is the note he was talking about the other day. I wonder when he put it in here? I went to open it up and i remembered him making me promise that i wouldn't read it until i was home. I stuffed into into my hoodie pocket and walked down the hall towards the bus.
I jumped off the bus and ran into the house. I had been waiting for chesters explaination for a while now and i held the answers in my hand. Part of me couldn't wait to read it the other part of me was almost too scared. I didn't know if I could handle it, if it was too bad that is. Whatever it was it had to be serious to make him this way, and he definitely can not talk about it to this day. I went into my bedroom and sat my book bag down on the floor. I kicked off my shoes and laid back on my bed. I pulled the letter out of my pocket and opened it up to read it.

Roxie,
Hey baby girl first off i just want to tell you that I love you. I also want to tell you that I am so sorry I couldn't tell you all this in person, I just don't have it in me. I'm sorry it has taken me this long to explain myself to you, I just have trust issues. Very few people know what I am about to tell you. My mother, my father, and David are the only people who know about any of it. I am asking you, please do not to think of me differently after reading this letter. I don't want pitty and I don't want sympathy, I just need to tell you what happened, so you understand why i am the way i am. I promised you i would explain so here it is. When i was around 9 maybe a little younger my parents were freinds with a couple that had a little boy a few years older than i was. Im not going to mention any names here so we will just call this boy zack. Zack and I became friends and started to hang out. One day he got a little curious about things and it all went downhill from there. It started out as what is this and then it went to full on violation if you get what im saying. I dealt with it for years, and i never told anyone. I didn't want people to look down on me, i didn't want people to call me a fag and think i was gay because im not. I never have been, I was just ashamed and scared. I was bullied constantly during this time, kids would beat the shit out of me. My mom and dad divorced when i was 11 and my dad worked so much he never noticed what was going on right at home. I don't blame him, he devoted his entire life to helping children like me, he just never knew that i was one of them. I finally told my father after several years, I told him everything that happened to me and i told him who had done it. After some digging he found out that "Zack" himself had been molested as well. We decided to let things go and not press any charges. Obviously the boy was fucked up just like me, i doesn't make it right but making him do prison time wouldn't have really made it right either. By this time i was already fucked up from it all. I started using to drowned out the constant memeries I had of what happened. For a while it worked, but as things started to loose their effect on me I started using heavier stuff like i explained before. The more I did the more it took to help until i was totally strung out. My mom tried really hard to be patient with me but eventually she kicked me out of the house, she just couldn't take all the drugs anymore. I had become horrible, I have been trying really hard to get clean. I admit I have days where I fuck up and I probably always will, but I am trying so hard babe. Somedays I just can't deal with shit, I can't deal with all of those memories replaying in my head. I promised you I would give this and honest shot and I am, but i do have to be truthful to you. I fucked up yesterday, I got pissed at Sean and i did some dope. I wasn't really thinking at the time I just did it. I am really sorry, that is why i didn't call you. I came home sat down and wrote this letter. I can't promise you that it will ever be completely better, but I can promise you that i will never quit trying. Hopefully one day I will finally kick this habit and be the person you need me to be. I love you baby and if you don't hate me after reading this and you still want to be with me then give me a call.
Love Always,
Chester

As I finished reading the letter tears poured from my eyes. What kind of person could do that to a child. It only takes one sick individual to ruin the lives of many. It's like a repetitive cycle that never ends and so many children get messed up because of one stupid person. I couldn't believe this, it was worse than I ever imagined. I knew it had to be something bad that made him this way, but i never would have guessed this. Now i understand why he is an addict, i don't condone drug use but after livinf through that kind of hell i can understand why he turned to drugs in the first place. I wonder if he will really ever be able to get off of them? I thought. Here he has been trying to console me the past couple of days and without me even knowing he has been living in misery the whole time. He never lets me see it, he always maintains himself. He is always kind and loving towards me. Now i understand what erica meant that day, i know why he was drawn to me the way he was. He sensed it, that I have been abused and been living a life in hell. He knew how much we were alike from the beginning and he knew how much we could help eachother. The more i thought about it, the more it became clear. Chester and I meeting that day wasn't a coincidence it was destiny.