If Only I Stay (Crush x Depressed!Reader) {SLOW UPDATES}

"Date"

I'm freaking tiredddd

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I decide my makeup and out fit are shit so I fix up my mascara and other makeup words that AuthorKun~ cannot think of. I put on some boots and some black jeans with leggings underneath and a shirt and jacket and a BEANIE CAUSE BEANIES ARE LIT and I grab my purse with my phone in it and climb out the window, using the key I stole from Dad to drive our car downtown and park it in front of the dunkin donuts and I see him standing outside it smiline his adorable smile, I get out of the car and walk to him (A/N: ok I forget if I made them old enough to drive or in like 7th grade so, now let's say they're 16/17)

"Was poppin mah boi" I say as he opens the door for me

"Jus hangin wif mah boi" He replies with a goofy voice

"Noice" We walk in together and order some coffees (Or hot chocolates if you don't like coffee) we walk out and wander through the cold, empty town. Talking about whatever

"See, you need to talk like this during lunch" I smile as I lightly punch him in the arm

"I am taking notes" He smiles back/down/up at me. We stop once we reach a frozen over pond, It looks beautiful. I've never been very fond of the winter besides the excuse of being inside but this made me love it a bit more. C/N slightly chuckles

"What?" I look at him

" You, you look so amazed like you've never seen it like this before" His face is dusted with blush

"Heh, yeah, ummmm about that..." I scratch my neck and awkwardly smile

"Wow, I knew you like being inside but... wow"

"Shut up and let me bask in the beauty" I sat down at a nearby bench and he followed. I sip on my warm beverage and as I swallow feel the heat extend through my cold body

We sit in silence for minutes, not the awkward silence, but the beautiful kind, where you just let nature play beautiful music (A/N: I don't know what the outdoors are like so I'm just making stuff up from movies and t.v. shows. I thought I'd point that out cause that made me sound like a hippie) 

I break the silence with "So, why did your friends didn't let you in the project?" He smirks at this question

"Cause I was a 'dick for not sitting with them and sitting with the lame girl' y'know that stuff" I took no offense to that at all because it was normal. I wasn't popular or liked by many. I just thought. They probably talk about me like that to him all the time, but he's still here.

"Do you think about me as some 'lame girl'?" I eventually ask

"No... No! Not at all! Why would you think that, we're here now!" He says like I just called him the world's biggest jerk ever.

"I don't know, I thought that this might have been some big joke to embarrass me, I guess." I look down at the ground. I hear him sigh and I turn back to him

"I think we should head back if you feel weird,"

"I-I mean I guess so" We both stand and start walking away, we reach my car first. O blacked out I guess, like something took over to make me say 

"Thanks for today, it was lovely" and kiss him on the cheek. 

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WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO THAT FOR!? ALL I REMEMBER AFTER THAT IS DRIVING OFF WITHOUT HIM SAYING ANYTHING BUT.WHAT.THE.FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. (A/N: ok sorry I didn't know what to do I've been "writing" this for months and have no idea what I'm doing so I'm gonna put an excuse in besides this)

~Timeskip to later in life~

I lay in bed just staring at my phone. Is he going to say anything? Should I say something? If he says 'hey' should I respond with 'hey' 'heyy' or 'hi'? You know the basic questions. I feel tired and look towards my clock 

"9:32" it read. Psshh I haven't slept in the past three weeks, I could use a little nap I guess.

Before I know y eyes shut and do not want to open, my body immediately becomes comfortable and I feel like I'm in my own world, my own time, just my own body. (A/N: I'm good at sounding like a hippie, aren't I?) I reach out for my radio and turn it on. The music fills my ears helping me fall into a deep sleep, that I will be in until late afternoon tomorrow. (A/N: Ha it's like me)

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I rushed it. I wanted to actually post something for the first time in like years. UFHISUOISUDHISUG ummm 842 words blah blah blah that stuff you want to know. I have a lifeeee, ooooo important things. LIFEEEEEEEE IS A THING! I HAD AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS TODAY! IM STARTING TO GET THEM LIKE ONCE A WEEK AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH