How I Fall {On hold going back and editing spelling errors and such sorry}

Sides...

Almost the entire way home I tried to not cry. but I eventually ended up doing so. then again. who can really blame me? for a single soul to know how much suffering I really HAVE BEEN THROUGH, is more impossible than the most impossible- mission impossible that there is. which does sound weird and unbelivieable, but its well, its the truth in a way. i mean theres no way anyone can understand me. im a beast. i have an evil side. some say i have an angel side. i have always felt that there was a beast inside me. breaking against its cage. just waiting to jump from my chest at any moment. this beast inside fuels my anger. my hatered. it demands me to be evil. it demands that i stand. that i fight. it demands that i no longer take the abuse of this world. that i take matters into my own hands. it demands me to be myself. while all of this there is also a weeping angel within me as well. this 'angel' is more out than the 'beast' can ever hope to be. i have many sides. i have finally come to terms with that. it took me so long. but i have. thourgh all the hard work, the mental pain. ive accepted it finally. but the main sides i have are the angel and the beast. this beast has always been inside me. it is demanding, forcing, commanding me to do something about all of this abuse. but no matter what i think, no matter what i do. i just cant do that. abuse from everyone. well it is just abuse. an emtional, mental abuse. some of the worst kind i have been told. but no one really cares. they all act as if they do. then if you really care, then i have a question."if you really cared for me then why do you push me away, why have you stabbed my back, why have you forsaken me, why must you cause me such pain? if you dont care then leave me alone. simple as that." i could only whisper. i wasnt talking to anyone. merly talking to myself. but i had to ask. i just wanna scearm my question at all of those who act to care. but when i moved here all my so called 'friends' forgotten about me. all but one. she is like my sister. another when he moved, we stayed in touch. i will never forget him. he is a good friend. as well as my 'sister'. but at this moment, i am just wishing that im not trusting Ronaldo for nothing. i hope i havnt become friends with him, that if we go to diffrent places, if we move away from each other. i wish that he wont forget me. he is such a good friend right now. i might not be here if he was not in my life. i know i wont forget him. he has impacted my life so much. i cant forget him. it would be like toture to forget Ronaldo. im just glad that hes not mad at me, or ignoring me anymore. to see

him filled with joy, or at least acting happy, makes me smile. it makes me feel as if i did something right! i have kinda have had a true friend before, to think or to know that i may have one truly now, that is what is keeping me hoping. that maybe one day even far away, that things might change, might finally change for the better.....