How I Fall {On hold going back and editing spelling errors and such sorry}

A New Moment

After my 'interesting' dream the night before. i could barley sleep. Not to long after my total 'oh my god what was that about' scene. i came to figure it must have been a sign. what else could it be really. i can't have an actual dream about something other than signs, choices, and the future, can I? i hope not. Ronaldo is my bestest guy friend. hes like my brother. my little brother. even if we are only a year apart. i love him as my brother. yea sure a LONG WHILE ago Ronaldo told me he had feelings for me. but that was before we grown to be as a family. He has me. I have him. we are like brother and sister. i don't really think he has any other feelings for me. which i fully understand. mainly because no one likes me. well not as a girlfriend or anything as i found out recently. i woke up half an hour before my alarm for school, after i finally passed back out around three in the morning. so now the time was seven a.m. yet i woke up at six thirty a.m. and fell asleep at three a.m. what is wrong with me. I've never had this much sleep in so long. its well...well its different. i dragged me lazy bum outta bed. grabbed my school uniform and walked into the hall. i hate the early morning time. when i was little i was well scarred for life by the shadows. the shadows the grew to become my friend. my comforter. my kinda second family. i depended on them. and they me. the shadows depended on me as much ad i depended on them. but when i was little we had an accident the sent our relationship shaking. they thought that because i had the hiccups it would be ok to scare me, so that the hiccups would disappear. well it worked but they scared me enough that i didn't wanna see or talk to them for a while. now they were here with me. guarding me from the unknown evil. i knew that's why they were here. but i never knew why this evil was after me. until i realized this evil was after everyone. this evil was death himself, or herself. depends on how you look at it. but death was already after me. its been on my heels a while now. but the shadows tell me im still needed here. that i must not leave just yet. but, no matter how many times i ask they wont tell me why. so i guess that for right now, i just need to trust them. the have never steered me wrong before. but right now my head is too confused about everyone. how all of the drama at school is causing me a killer headache. i am still left to decide. should i or should i not trust Ronaldo! but i know deep down in my heart. that no matter what i do its really just up to him. i cant influence another person. i have tried ands failed misiberly. it seems that everytime i take one step forward, im taking ten steps back,and frankly i am really starting to get tired of it. im getting tired of the abuse of this world. im getting tired of the taughting, the bullys, the jerks, the drama queens and kings, and every single last drama starter in the whole world that think its ok to mess with me. or do it for leg pulling. yanking my chain. whatever you desire to call it. trolling whatever. its wrong. and im really just tired of it. in all honesty im sicked and tired or being sick and tired. but before you say'why dont you just get up and change your life' well news flash beilieve me i have. ive have tried and tried. ive failed, but a couple times i secuseeded. but my victory lasted a very short time unforturenitly. but its my problem no one elses. i also hate it when everyone tells me 'get help, you should go see a theripist' you know, if i wanted to see one i would. biut i dont want to. think of it this way before you ask me why. picture walkiong into an office with a desk and a small chair or a couch. there may be some toys laying around. the walls could be a mess of little kid drawnings. you walk in and sit across from someone you dont know. expected to tell them your feelings and everything about you, just like that. well i dont know about you but i have some serve trust issuses and well im not going to tell this stanger any willy nilly thing they want to know. i deal with my own problems. so see thats my idea to avoid a theripist at all cost. i just do not like them. no offense. i walked into the bathroom, after i stood thinking in the middle of the hall. i pulled up my black denim jeans. threw on my shirt. i took the black hair brush i bought when i dyed my hair, and began to brush my now short mop of dark brown hair. im just now thinking, maybe i shouldnt have cut it.  but its way too late now. oh well. the little things are what people pay their time to. but in my reality i could care less. not my problem. after i brushed my teeth i walked back to my room threw on my sneakers. grabbed my binder, mp3, headphones, and key. then i left. walked out into the living room and opened the front door. "Ceclia that you?"

"yeah, mom im leaving!"

"ok baby girl, lock the door behind you please."

"will do love you mommy bye"

"bye princess" as i said i would i locked the door and ran out into the street. i begn to talk to school it would take me a good fifth teen minutes to get there, so i plugged in my head phones, played my 'The Truth' playlist and started to think while i was walking to school...