Raindrops On Roses

The Flash Back

Ryans pov: 

"George Ryan Ross," the doctor says calling me into his office. I take a seat on one of the leather chairs. "So I've been reading over some reports people have been writing about you," he pauses, "They all say that you have completed turned yourself around. We are thinking about discharging you. I just need to go over a few questions with you."

I nod giving him the okay to begin. He asks me what my name is, where I am, if I think this is all a dream, if I think I'm someone else, if I have homicidal thoughts, if I have suicidal thoughts, if I have been self harming, and how am I going to keep myself safe when I leave. I'm pretty sure I answered all of the questions correctly.

No matter what, I know I can never tell anyone that I still believe I'm Dallon. I don't care how real this feels or if my memories are starting to come back. My life as Dallon was perfect. This life is a nightmare. On the way back to my room the staff tell me I should start packing up my things.

The staff told me that I was getting transferred to a new facility. It is a group home for people that have similar disorders as me. Apparently all the trauma I've gone through in my life has caused me to pretend to be someone I'm not. I pretend to be someone that saves the day. I pretend to be someone else, because if I felt my actual feelings I don't think I could live with the pain. I already took it out on the love of my life and I deserve to be dead for doing that.

I'd rather be Dallon. I am Dallon. This is one very realistic terrifying dream. The doctor told me I had split personality disorder,  I'm bipolar, I have post traumatic stress disorder, I have major depressive disorder, and severe anxiety. All of these disorders make me feel like a psychopath. I take seven meds in the morning and nine at night. I don't understand how they think taking pills, talking about my story, and coming up with coping skills are going to help me.

The pills don't end the pain, they numb the emotion. Therapy doesn't get the problems off my chest, it just reminds me of how fucked up I am and how much I deserve to die. Coping skills don't stop me from cutting, they just keep me distracted while I plan a spot to do it without getting caught. Yes, I have still been cutting. I know Brendon wouldn't want this, but I deserved it.

I wait in the patient lounge for the transportation cops to get here. Josh, Tyler, and Melanie are all in group so I can't say goodbye to then. When the cops arrive they put me in hand cuffs and shackles. I start to have really bad flash backs. I remember everything my father did to me. I remember him tear me up and being whipped for crying. I start to cry. 

"Your not going to try to run away from us are you?" one officer asks. The other one has his hand on my shoulder.

*Flash back*

My father places a had on my shoulder an whispers into my ear, "you're not gonna run away are you?" "N-No,"I whimper. Good because this will be so much fun without the chains. My father rips my clothes off of me. "Women are sluts," he whispered, "Your mother was a filthy slut. All she does is fuck other men. I'm going to teach you a lesson so that you are nothing like your mother." He forces himself inside of me. I scream in pain.

*Flash back over*

"Are you?" the officer repeats himself. "N-No" I stutter. "Okay then let's go," the officer with his hand on my shoulder says. When we get to the transportation van I climb to the very back. I'm trying hard to make sure the cops don't here my tears. I'm shaking. I can't stop the flash backs.

Suddenly it starts to rain. I see one single raindrop on my window and peace washes over me. I start to think about Brendon, my VERY gay raindrop, my husband. I slowly drift off into the darkness. It's warm and inviting. It's like I'm blanketed with love.

Dallons pov:

I wake up to Brendons plump lips on mine. I open my eyes to see him on top of me. "Good morning Dally," he giggled. "Good morning raindrops," I say as I roll on top of him. I lean down and reunite our lips. His lips are warm and inviting. It's like I'm blanketed with love.