Coping with Bieber

Chapter 14: Luna Like The Moon

The wheels connected to the bottom of the IV pole squeaked against the marble floor as I make my way down the hallway.

It has been 5 days since Justin woke up and I had not yet gone to see him.

As much as I wanted him to wake up, once he did, it all became real.

It all became real and unchangeable.

I could not bare to look at him. To be with him. To mourn with him.

Jasmine gave me a look of disapproval every time I decided to walk down the opposite side of the hallway, as to not pass by his room. Truth is, I am scared. I built up walls, walls that made me believe that I was living in a nightmare all by myself.

I pause as I feel a cramp in my stomach. I clutch it and immediately remember the void that now fills it.

"You need to eat." Jasmine says as she helps me turn around at the end of the hallway.

We reach the door of my room and I stand in front of it, looking down towards his room.

"Do you want to go see him?" She asks me this everyday, not getting the memo that I do not, in fact, wish to see him."

"He is suffering as much as you are. You remember when you called him selfish? Now whose being the selfish one? He lost a child just as much as you did." Jasmine spits out under her breathe, lowly but loud enough that I can still hear you.

"You could be fired." I spit out back at her. "This is none of your business." I continue.

"Oh, but it is. I watched you sit by his bed side, everyday. Crying. Screaming. Begging him to wake up. And once he does, you crawl into a little cave and hide. This is not all about you, you know." She speaks before running her hand through her hair. It is just now that I take a good look at her, seeing the bagginess under her eyes, though her face still holds some youth. She must be a little older than me but not by much.

"How old are you?" I stay looking at her.

"27." She says and pauses before speaking again. "I have suffered my fair share so I know what you must be feeling." She continues.

"Doubt it." I scuff and say low enough so she can't hear me.

"Come on, let's get you into bed and feed you." She leans towards the door but I stand still.

"Take me." Is all I say before I regret the thought.

We walk slowly towards the end of the hallway and once we reach his door, my palms begin to sweat.

"Are you sure?" Jasmine looks at me skeptically and knocks on the door when I nod.

"Come in." I hear his voice loudly through the door.

She peeks her head in what I assume is an attempt to see if he has visitors.

"Hello, Mr. Bieber, I am a nurse and my name is Jasmine." She says and flashes her hospital id.  

"I was wondering if you are up for a visitor." I hear her bubbly voice say in front of me.

She then pushes the door further open and he comes into plain view.

Our eyes connect and the emotions that I have been fighting so hard to fight off begin to flood my veins.

"Babe." Is all he says as I crumble to my knees and begin to sob.

I hear Jasmine's voice silently trying to comfort me before feeling that ever so warm hand on my shoulder.

"Mr. Bieber, you cannot be off of your bed! Dr. Shouls will have my head if he sees you disconnected from the vitals machine." Jasmine fights as she tries to pull me into the room and closes the door behind us.

"Babe, hey, look at me." I feel his hand under my chin and open my eyes to see his arm in a cast and a bandage over his leg.

"Shh, shh, shh." He begins to hum as he does his best to wrap me in his arms.

"You need to get back on the bed." I say through sobs.

"I will but I need you to get up ... please babe." He says as Jasmine begins lifting me up.

--

We settle him onto the bed and Jasmine hooks Justin back up to all of the necessary machines.

I sit on the chair beside him as he reaches for my hand.

"I am sorry I could not be there for you for the past month." I hear him say as Jasmine excuses herself from the room.

"I am sorry I did not come see you before." I say lowly.

"We lost our baby. I understand." He says as he sniffles.

"We lost our baby girl." I repeat after him and I feel him move.

"Girl?" His eyes brighten up before sadness overcomes him.

I nod.

"You were right the whole time." He rubs his fingers against the top of my hand.

"I could have chosen her name." The tears begin falling down my face again.

"She still lives with us in our hearts and she knows who much we love her." He reaches over and dries off some of my tears with his fingers.

"Luna." The word comes out as a whisper.

"Luna Bieber is perfect." He says and I cry.

***

End of Chapter:

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