Coping with Bieber

Chapter 13: One More Week

Day 22:

Jasmine has made it a habit to sneak me into Justin's room each afternoon while visiting hours are closed. Dr. Shouls pretends to turn a blind eye but I know he knows what we have been doing. Seeing food still means nothing to me and the only reason that I partake in walking each day is so that I can see Justin. My body hurts, especially when my stomach grumbles, but I do not deserve food. I do not deserve to be alive.

Dr. Shoulds threathened to increase IV dosages if I do not eat and I truly do not care as long as I get to see Justin so he did just that.

Each day that stupid nurse leaves my curtains open when she comes in to clean. Each day I make Jasmine close them. I have neglected each and every visitir that has tried to visit me, not letting them get passed the help desk downstairs.

I have seen Pattie and Jeremy pass the hallway through the small window on my bedroom door so I made a mental note to ask Jasmine to cover said window.

In moments like these, I am thankful I left my adoptive family, leaving me with no one but friends. The less people I see pitying me, the better.

Day 23:

"He is doing much better. His vitals are picking up. They are expecting him to wake up soon." Jasmine puts her hand on my shoulder as I sit next to Justin's bed.

"Don't get my hopes up just to have them crushed again. Crushed like Justin. Crushed like my baby girl." I mumble.

I still cannot find the strength to stop the tears from falling. I squeeze Justin's hand with the small amount of strength that I have before lowering my head and placing my forehead on the top of our linked hands.

I am sure that at this point my head is making things up when I feel a twitch beneath my hand.

My head shoots up and I look at Justin's face.

"His hand moved." I say quickly.

"Estela, there has been no change in his vitals for the past 25 minutes. Are you sure?" Jasmine says, unconvinced.

I sit there waiting for another twitch. Nothing comes.

One minute. Two minutes. Three minutes. Five minutes.

Nothing.

"Estela, we have to go, visiting hours are almost open again and I know you do not want to bump into anybody." Jasmine says alluding to Pattie and Jeremy.

The tears spill from my eyes as I grow angry.

"You selfish son of a bitch! We are supposed to be going through this together!" My fist pounds against the side of his bed.

"Estela-" I cut Jasmine off before she can say anything else.

"Our baby girl, Justin. She was drowned in my blood. Ripped out of me. Please don't make me go through this alone any longer. I need you!" The words that I have not spoken in my time hear have came out as a scream.

"Please. Wake up!" The tears are streaming from my eyes and my hands shaking in his.

"Estela." I hear a voice, not Jasmine's.

I slowly turn my head and see Pattie's terrified face.

My head turns back to Justin's and mine linked hands before burying my head into his sheets again. Crying. Without a motive to stop.

"I know this is difficult. Seeing him like this. Losing your baby. But you cannot go through this alone. Please, let us be there for you. You need to be strong through this, for yourself, for Justin." Pattie reaches me and gets down to her knees.