The Soldier's Girl (Under Editing)

Chapter 30

CAROLINE'S POV

My happiness had reached an all time high early today. It was the end of March and it was a Saturday. First I had a dentist appointment, but after that Taylor and I were going to spend the whole afternoon shopping and doing fun stuff.

When we arrived at the dentist that morning they pulled me straight back into a room. It was a routine check up, they cleaned my teeth and did X-rays. I still felt like I was lying in that chair for forever, but when I got out and went into the waiting room Taylor was already there waiting for me.

It was a relatively warm day for March so we had a picnic in the park for lunch, just like we had the first day I was with Taylor. I sat next to Taylor on the picnic table and we ate our sandwiches quietly, only stopping to talk every once and a while. She finished before I did and got up to go throw something away. I quickly finished and followed her. We started walking around the cement path, this time doing more talking that we had at lunch.

After almost half an hour Taylor said she thought he was getting a sunburn. We headed back to her car after that and she drove us to the mall. Our mall trip lasted until 4 in the after noon when we finally went home.

All I could think was how happy I was. If I would've known then what would happen later that night my mood would not be as high.

TAYLOR'S POV

After I cooked Caroline and I supper I took a dishrag and wiped the table up. Caroline was sitting at the counter. The peacefulness of the kitchen was almost eerie. It was the calm before the storm. A knock on the door broke the serenity of the place.

"Caroline can you get that?" I asked her. I don't know exactly why I asked her to answer it when I could've. But in the end it ended up being the right thing to do. Caroline got up and opened the door to my apartment revealing three American soldiers in full uniform.

At that moment my heart skipped a beat. This couldn't be what I thought it was. I saw the expressions on heir faces and the expression on Caroline's face and suddenly I knew it was what I thought. It was almost as if I went into some sort of a shock. It was like everything was moving in slow motion. I did nothing but stare and I couldn't hear most of the things coming out of the man's mouth because my ears were ringing. There was one part I did catch.

"We regret to inform you that Charlie Connor was killed in action yesterday in Afghanistan." I saw Caroline's lip start to quiver, but I couldn't move, I felt like I was glued in place. Everything after that with the soldiers was a blur. I was snapped out of my haze when the door was shut and Caroline started bawling loudly. She ran up the stairs and into her room screaming and all I could do was watch.

I finally pulled myself together after I heard a door slam upstairs. I went upstairs after her. When I opened her door and looking in I saw her body slumped against the headboard of her bed. Her cheeks were soaked in tears and her whole body shook every time she let out a cry.

When I entered she looked at me longingly. Longing to be near someone, longing to feel somebody's presence. I couldn't imagine a loss that big.

CAROLINE'S POV

No. No. This can't happen. This doesn't happen. Not to me.

I screamed and I cried, but none of that made it better. Taylor came in and sat down in bed with me. She held me and tried to comfort me, but none of that made it better either. I was bawling but all I could her was that mans voice.

"Charlie Connor was killed in action, Charlie Connor was killed in action, Charlie Connor was killed in action." Over and over and over. I couldn't stop hearing it. In that one second everything came crashing down, my happiness, my hope. I screamed louder to try and get that voice bearing the bad news out of my head. I felt Taylor trying to restrain me as I thrashed around in pain and suffering.

My dad. My only person. Dead.

This time instead of screaming I tried to take some deep breaths to try and clam down at least a little. This brought on the full out sobbing. This type of cry was different than my screaming and yelling and bawling cry. This was a little quieter with more tears and more hurt. I allowed myself to sink into Taylor's body. My lip was curled outwards and was catching salty tears.

I turned my face into Taylor's shirt and hugged her as tight as I could in hopes that that would somehow make it all better. But it didn't. The peculiar thing was that the weight of the loss didn't hit me all at once. It definitely started hurting as soon as I found out but there wasn't one moment where all the realizations of what was gone hit. That came slowly and would continue on for years.

Hours passed but they didn't feel like hours. They didn't feel longer or shorter either. I had no concept of time. I was just there. At one point I remember shaking and touching my damp cheeks and red eyes with one hand while the other hand had a death grip on Taylor's arm.

"Baby do you want to take a shower? It's almost time for us to be going to bed." Obviously the whole 'no concept of time' didn't reach to Taylor. I hadn't even thought about taking a shower. I knew Taylor suggested it because of what a mess I looked like, but I wasn't thinking about going to bed either. I didn't know if I thought Taylor and I would stay in that bed together crying forever or what. I pushed that thought out of my mind because that made me think of the future and I couldn't think of the future without my dad right now.

"Hmm?" Taylor said and I came back into reality, the bad reality where my father was dead. Taylor helped me get up, when we got out of the room I was still holding onto her. She stopped walking and hugged me, she rocked me back and forth and then finally lead me to the bathroom.

"Are you sure you're good? You can do this yourself?" I must've looked like quite the wreck if she thought I couldn't shower by myself. I nodded but regretted saying I would take a shower right when the door was shut. I was alone. I sat on the floor of the shower crying the whole time. And when my pajamas were on I went downstairs.

I didn't even think before going straight into Taylor's room. I found her already laying in bed, so I got in and curled up as close as I could get to her. I wasn't crying anymore but I was still in pain from it all. I could feel an actual, physical pain in my chest and it wouldn't go away. Taylor shut out the light and as soon as she did a thought crossed my mind. I knew my dad was gone, but I hadn't thought about him, I thought about how it would effect me.

He was in heaven. When I thought this I started crying again. It was a quiet cry, but not quiet enough that Taylor couldn't hear it. That was the start of crying during the night. I woke up several times again from nightmares, or just so I could cry.

I looked at the clock at 5am when I woke up. I couldn't help but think that usually I would be trying to figure out what time it was in Afghanistan. Now it didn't matter. My last thoughts before I drifted back to sleep again were why. Why did this have to happen to me? Why did I have to I through this? Why?