The Exchange

Chapter 20

Viktor Sundqvist was my obsession.

He replaced my documentaries, my hopes, my dreams, my everything. I thrived off of his confusion about me. It put me in control.

Admitting it to myself was a terrifying experience, really. When he arrived, he was my primary concern. What was he doing? How did it impact the people I love? How did it affect me?

Admitting it to him was the dumbest decision I had ever made.

I left and went up to my room where no one would bother me. I picked up the dirty clothes that littered the floor and put them in my laundry basket, threw away the trash, and I sat down in front of my bookshelf to reorganize the books by size and genre.

I hadn't touched them in so long, not since Viktor arrived.

I heard three pairs of footsteps come up to my room, and my door opened.

"Hey, Amanda. Melissa wanted to make sure you're okay," Natalie said.

I put a book on the shelf. "I'm fine."

"Really? Or do you just want us to go away?" Leah asked.

I looked over at them. "Come in and shut the door. I need to hear your opinions."

They closed the door and sat on my bed. While Leah and Natalie's eyes were fixated on me, Melissa's gaze wandered around my room, probably because I had just cleaned it for the first time in about a year.

I sat down next to them, but I couldn't find the words to ask what I wanted.

"Do you hate Viktor?" Leah asked.

I sighed. "I don't know."

"Do you like him?" she asked.

"Depends on what you mean. I think he's interesting, but I don't want to be his friend or anything."

"That doesn't make sense," Nat said.

"It really doesn't." I laughed.

"Do you think that maybe you do like him? Like a crush?" Leah said.

I shook my head. "I don't think so. He just makes me upset. I usually get irritated when he's around."

I wouldn't really know if I had a crush on him, since the closest I had ever been to liking someone was thinking Logan from Big Time Rush was the greatest person to ever grace the planet. But I couldn't imagine that having a crush would make me want to punch Viktor in the face every single time I saw him.

That would be one hell of an abusive relationship.

Melissa nodded. "But you don't like him as a friend either. You just think he's interesting."

"Pretty much."

"Then why don't you try to get to know him better, and then maybe you can be friends?" she suggested.

"I don't think it'll work like that."

They were too young to remember when Blaine desperately needed to be my friend, and although it ended up working out, what were the odds that it would happen again?

Melissa tilted her head. "Why not? You guys have been better lately, so you should build on it."

"We haven't been any different," I said.

"Yes, you have. You don't roll your eyes as much when he talks."

Leave it to Melissa to figure me out.

"I'll tell you what, how about we make bracelets?" I said.

"Yes!" Leah said.

Natalie crossed her arms. "Are you changing the subject?"