The Exchange

Chapter 42

38. I miss you. I'm completely by myself, and I would give anything just to hear you again.

39. I've lost my goddamn mind, but I don't care. You're worth it.

40. I need your positive thoughts. I'm drowning in my own negativity over here.

41. Viktor, please. I fucking need you.

42. Just break one rule and come see me. Please.

43. I fucked up too badly this time, didn't I? I told you I wouldn't go after Lukas, and I did. I'm sorry. I'm such a goddamn liar.

I had been diagnosed with a moderate concussion, and with that, I was forced to stay isolated from all sounds, lights, and other people. No phone, no talking, no lights, no anything. I wasn't even supposed to read or write anything, but I thought it would be okay to break the rules for my list for Viktor.

My symptoms had only gotten worse within the first twenty-four hours, but that was far from the worst pain I felt.

My room. It was once my sanctuary, but it had become a prison that I couldn't escape. No one could enter, and I couldn't leave, except to go to the bathroom. I found that I needed to pee at least once every half an hour.

My people. I heard all the commotion, Matt, Viktor, the triplets, and even Blaine once or twice, but there was nothing I could do to join in.

My future. Where the hell could I go to college? Who would accept a girl with a suspension and a few other minor offenses on her record?

My entire life was ruined, and I could do nothing but stare at the ceiling in my room.

Maybe I overthought it, and I drove myself fucking crazy over nothing. But Blaine wasn't there to tell me that. Viktor wasn't there to remind me that my emotions were valid. Arti wasn't there to cheer me up with a stupid, untrue story.

I only had myself, and that girl desperately wanted to tear me apart.

Fucking bitch.

As my symptoms began to subside, I was allowed visitors, but I still wasn't allowed to leave Alcatraz.

Melissa was the first person to take advantage of that. She climbed up into my bed without saying a word, and she wrapped her skinny arms around me.

I didn't say anything.

Viktor was the second person to talk to me. He told me that all my negative thoughts were a product of the concussion, not me. He said he had the same problem with his concussion. I wanted to believe him, but I couldn't. He wasn't the one that got us into this mess. It was me.

Blaine and Arti were third. I let them climb into my bed, and she told me she was proud of her little baby getting into her first fight. Blaine told her to fuck off. She didn't. She stayed put in bed with us, even though Blaine repeatedly tried to push her off.

"Hey, I know this doesn't make anything better, but you were right—"

I shushed Blaine. "Don't say it. I don't want to hear it."

"What are you talking about? You were right is your favorite phrase," Arti said.

"Maybe you should keep your high-pitched squeaking to a minimum. She's got a concussion," Blaine said.

Arti sat up. "My voice isn't high-pitched and squeaky."

"It is right now," I said.

"Okay, well, I'm sorry. I'm sorry about a lot of things, and I'll just never speak again."