The Exchange

Chapter 44

Eleanor sat down next to me every day in Spanish, just like she used to, all the way through mid-February. I thought she would run away from me like the coward she was, but she didn't. Seats were pretty much assigned by that point, anyway.

Unlike the rest of us, her life remained fairly unchanged as far as I could see. What could be traced back to her disgustingly manicured hands besides the rash from the peanut butter incident?

Of course, she didn't act like everything was normal between us. She was a part of a plan to hurt me after all.

I decided to break the ice that lingered in the winter air between us. "Good morning."

She looked up with wide eyes like I was the one who was slightly unhinged. "Um, good morning. How are you?"

"Confrontational as always. How are you?"

Her eyes glanced away. "I'm fine. Thank you for asking."

"Look, if you ever have anything to say to me, I'm open to hearing it. We've both had time to relax and let everything go."

"Can words even do anything in this situation?"

I shrugged. "Most likely not, but it'd be the honorable thing to do."

"This isn't feudalist Japan, Amanda. Honor doesn't fix anything."

"But an apology would be step one on the road to fixing it."

"I would appreciate it if we just went our separate ways. Arti and I have."

"We don't have to go separate ways. People like you are great targets for getting manipulated."

"People like me?"

"I didn't necessarily mean it in a bad way. You just don't have a backbone or morals," I said.

"Would you just leave me alone? I don't want to talk about it. Is that a bad thing?"

Uh, kind of.

I sighed. "If you can't figure out that I'm trying to at least maintain a civil relationship about this, fine. I don't really care. I have no respect for you anyway."

I took out my phone.

"You never did respect me, Amanda. Anyone who's not an alpha female like you automatically gets discounted," Eleanor said.

"I respect anyone who gives me something to respect, which certainly isn't you anymore."

She didn't reply to that. So satisfying.

My mother wasn't a bold person. Neither were Melissa and Viktor. And I respected those three more than anyone else because they had something I didn't: an open, pure heart filled with a ton of empathy. They could push back when someone crossed the line. They were silently strong.

I used to like Eleanor. I respected her for playing soccer, being intelligent, being kind to everyone (except for me, apparently). But where she lost me was her inability to stand up for herself. She let people walk all over her, and anytime things got tough, she'd lay down and die.

If she didn't want to own her mistake and try to make it right, that wasn't my problem. I was much more willing to make peace with her than I normally would have been, and she didn't want that opportunity.

It drove me crazy. The people who were granted amazing opportunities were the ones who didn't understand what they had. Eleanor didn't see it, Viktor never saw it when it came to hockey, and I never saw it when it came to Viktor.

46. You're an opportunity that I almost wasted. I'm so glad I didn't.

The class started, and both Eleanor and I carried on as if nothing happened, because, in my book, nothing did. Although she didn't give in to my generous offer, she gave up on fixing the problem.