Nothing's ever better forever. Pressure started to build against my chest. I swore things were getting better.
It all happened when I was out with Casey and Ellie. We were on our way to Asda park. We almost made it there. Almost......
They came out of nowhere. I didn't see them at first so didn't take much notice although, I had my head down. I looked up to see them. Two girls. Three boys.
One girl started shouting about me. Saying about how I slit my wrists and showed everyone. I didn't. She reminded me of the over lapping days that I went to school frightened.
Of course my friends being friends, they started trying to cheer me up as they knew that was she had said, got to me. I wish it hadn't.
She thought they were saying it about her. Silly girl. She turned the corner. I thought I was safe...........silly girl. She came back round the corner, only this time with another girl. I knew them both.
I was scared.
Shaking, we ran up to a man walking his dog. Asked for help. Silly girl. He didn't want to help.
Within a minute of fear, they were in front of me. Calling me a slut. Saying I was being cocky for laughing. I wasn't laughing. The only thing to come out of my mouth was "well I didn't". Two girls, they did the talking. The other, stood there and videotaped it all. They didn't see my fear.
We tried walking away. It was no use. They followed. I asked Ellie to phone her mum as she's a police woman and lived right round the corner. Once she'd gotten through to her mam, her mam said to come straight home. We tried our best.......
It was like all them pieces of good had been smashed. It all happened so fast. We were in front of them. Only a minute away from Ellie's house. Oh gosh, I wish we'd made it.
I could hear the two girls whispering. The whispers I wish I hadn't heard. "Should we jump her". "You get her hair, I'll trip her up." I swore things were getting better.............I really did.
As I tried to turn my head to defend myself, one pulled my hair and the other tripped me up. The whispers told me a lot.
I was on the floor. It was damp. I could feel my heard going again. I think I felt it stop for a moment.
I felt her foot hit my cheek. It hurt. I felt it again. It hurt a little more this time. I heard Ellie's voice. She asked if I was okay. I couldn't answer.
I felt paralysed. I couldn't move. It was like my throat was tied shut. One girl answered for me. The violent "does she look okay?!"
I felt her foot once more. The last piece of happiness ran away. Packed it's bags and left. It was no use.
I feared my life. I didn't know when she'd stop or if she'd stop. I wish she'd stopped.
I rolled onto my back. I saw their faces. The happiness had moved to them. I screamed. The scream no one heard. Or maybe they just didn't care enough.
Once I'd stood up, they both punched my a couple times. I tried my best to move and defend my self. I felt paralysed once more. Stood in front of them. All I could do was push them away and run to Ellie's house.
I couldn't breathe. It was almost as if every bit of air had escaped from my body in my cry for help. I was having a panic attack. I thought I was dying.
We got to Ellie's house, her mam was already at the door. Ellie screamed before we got to the door. "She's been jumped" it was a rush to the door. A scary rush. We ran upstairs and I sat on her bed.
My hands covering my bruised face. I was crying. Saying stuff I didn't mean. I shouted "I want to kill myself". I could see it in caseys face. She was close to crying. The type of close I hope I don't see again.
We got a car ride home from Ellie's mam. We saw the girls. The boys. They just acted like nothing happened. How could they?
When I got home the police were called straight away. I was still crying. I got endless hugs. The whole house was shocked from what happened. I was shocked the most.
The police came the next day. I could barely speak. Casey spoke the most.
The police didn't do much. You see, the girl who did it was in care; they had said she got moved out from blyth. Only to find out that she got moved closer to me. And the other girl, well nothing happened to her.
I see them frequently now and every time I do, I freeze up. I forget all of my surroundings only to focus on them and if they notice me or not.
That moment haunts me. I will haunt me for a while I guess.
Every corner I turn, there's someone there who saw the video of me. Who saw the cry for help but didn't stand up for me. Every corner I turn there's friends I had up until that video.
I will do anything to get out of blyth. Sometimes I fear that everything, is death.
The things I've heart over the last three years is that, if you ever get the chance to hold hands with death, don't! He's a werewolf in sheeps clothing. He swallows halos and spits them back out. You, my darling are that halo. You do not want him to taste your halo. Hell only spit it out. He'll ruin you. Soooooooo, he may have model like hands and a face so welcoming that a halo like you will fall for it. However, you've gotta stay strong. The only way to stay strong is to live. Living is hard. It gets harder but we build up our strength so that them hard thingns will just he like a hurdle in a race.
Your life is a race. To make it to the finish line, you gotta carry on.
