A Four Letter Word // Laurmani

XV (15)

Warning- Very Small Amount of Smut

I'm sitting on my bed trying to finish my art assignment. Someone soon knocks on my door.

"Come in" I continue to keep my focus on my sketch, making sure I have every single detail.

"Hey" My pencil freezes at the certain voice. Normani. I continue to draw without lifting my gaze from sheet.

"Hi"

"What's that?" I feel a dip in the bed next to me, signaling that she's now sitting on it.

"It's one of my projects" I feel her lean over my shoulder.

"It's me" I nod my head and continue to sketch.

"The assignment is to draw someone who brings meaning to your life, so yeah, it's you. I got the task a few weeks ago but I've been procrastinating a lot recently" I look at Normani and she's smiling. I break eye contact. "Can you um, can you sit in that chair right there. I need to add a little more detail to make sure that it looks exactly like you" Normani stands up.

"Of course, yeah" She takes a seat and looks at me. My eyes go from, her, back to the paper, a bunch of times as I add certain things. We sit in silence and the only sound being heard in the room is my pencil scribbling on the paper. "I'm gay" I look at Normani for a second before focusing back on my sketch.

"Yes, I know. I'm the one who told you, remember?" Normani looks down at her fingers fiddling with them. "Lift your head back up for me, please" She does as said. We sit in another uncomfortable silence.

"I have an older brother whose gay, his name is Tyler" I stop drawing and look at Normani.

"I thought you were an only child?" She shakes her head.

"My father pretty much disowned him from the family and I was forbidden to ever talk about him to anybody. If people asked if I had siblings, I was told to say no" I place my work aside and focus on Normani. "He was kicked out at sixteen, sophomore year. Dad caught him having sex with his boyfriend Keith one night and immediately kicked him out, no questions asked. Luckily for him, Keith's parents were understanding and allowed him to stay with them. I was 8 when this happened. The last time I saw him was his graduation day. Mom went behind Dad's back and we went to see him. I was 10 then. Imagine being 10 years old and never seeing your brother again" I can see her eyes begin to water. "He was my best friend"

Normani started playing with her fingers again. I pat the spot next to me and Normani slowly gets up and sits down next to me.

"Dad told me the basic stories on how being gay is a sin and how Tyler would end up going to hell, and being my young innocent self, I believed it all. I believed it all, right up until the point where I met you" A tear fell down Normani's cheek but she quickly wiped it. "You gave me this feeling, and it confused me. I knew the consequences of being gay, but the feeling I got when I was around you felt so good and comforting" I take Normani's hand in mine.

"You don't have to tell me this Mani, I understand" She closes her eyes but a tear escapes.

"I know I'm gay Lauren, I've known. I just don't want to deal with the consequences. I don't want to get kicked out like Tyler was, I need my parents" I pull her into my chest and she lets everything go. She starts crying and balls my shirt up in her fist. I just hold her close making sure to not let go.

It all makes sense now. I remember this one time at Normani's we were sitting in the living room on the couch all cuddle up to each other watching a movie and when her dad came home, she completely moved away from me and sat on the other end of the couch.