Presque Vu

Chapter 23

Jared quickly returned from the bathroom and laid down next to Raina, winding his fingers into her long hair and pulling her lips to his. "You are so fucking beautiful, Raina," he told her breathlessly when he finally broke away. He cradled her softly against him as his deft fingers traced over her still flushed skin, picking away bits of wax. Raina should have felt relaxed and happy, but instead, she could feel herself growing more and more on edge, overwhelmed by the emotions Jared had set loose with one intense look. Mentally she cursed herself, she thought she had gotten past this. It certainly wasn't how she wanted to feel. But no matter how hard she tried she couldn't return to the peace she had been feeling earlier that day. Her increasing agitation didn't go unnoticed by Jared.

"Hey," he said, drawing her face close to his, "don't wander back into that overactive brain of yours. Stay with me."

"I'm trying," Raina told him, closing her eyes to avoid his. Jared moved his hand to her back, rubbing in gentle circles, trying to soothe her. But the more he tried, the more tense she became. "I don't mean to be like this," she said by way of apology, her voice starting to waver.

Jared quickly tried to reassure her. "Shhh, princess. It's okay. You're coming out of subspace. Sometimes it's a little shaky. I've got you."

"It's not that," Raina protested. But was it? She remembered again she had no idea what she was really doing here. She had been so lost in Jared in that moment, all her senses heightened and focused on him. The emotions had flooded in on her along with her orgasm, making her head spin and her chest tighten. How was she supposed to sort of what her real feelings were when he brain was still full of crazy levels of endorphins?

"Talk to me," Jared prompted. "You promised to let me know what was going on in that head of yours, remember?"

Why did I make that promise? "I don't even know what's going on in here," she confessed. "How am I supposed to tell you?"

Jared pulled her hand up to his mouth, kissing her palm. "Try."

Raina took a deep breath and tried to get her thoughts together. She noticed some of the wax had broken loose and stuck to Jared's chest, and she started picking it away. It was oddly soothing and gave her something to look at other than his beautiful eyes that were just pushing her further down this particular rabbit hole. "I just got a little panicky," she told him. "Looking into your eyes like that, in that moment, it was just so intense."

He placed his hand over hers, holding it still against his chest. When he responded his voice was soft. "It was supposed to be Raina. I thought you understood I am wanting more than sex from you."

Raina could feel that ragged swell of emotion again, rising in her chest and making her brain fuzzy. She was trying to let him captain this ship but these waters terrified her and she didn't know how to get herself back under control. "I just don't know what to do with it."

Jared sighed. "I don't know what you mean by that."

Raina wasn't sure she knew what she meant by that either, not until the edges of her vision began to swim wetly and the words fell from her mouth. "I don't want to fall in love with you. I know I'm not ready for that and neither are you. But I'm afraid to fall for you at all." The voice of experience screamed the next part like a warning claxon. "I know I can't keep you. You're just on loan."

Jared was quiet as he finished removing the remaining wax and Raina was certain she had overstepped. She had been playing an emotional game of chess with herself ever since she had given him her phone number that first night. She was rapidly running out of good moves. What had her grandfather, huddled over the yellowing chessboard in their humid kitchen, told her it was called when all the remaining moves were bad ones? Zugzwang.