A Woman's Path to Liberation

March 21, 1960

There was a small fear in the back of my mind when a few months back I was late with my menstruation. But it did come. It came a week late and was very heavy. The doctor says this was another miscarriage. He said the probability of me ever carrying a baby to full term is improbable. It triggered a memory of that one night when we were dating. The night that ended in passionate intimacy. The fear of pregnancy made us wait until my next menstruation, which was late just as this one was. There is a potential that I have had 3 miscarriages in my lifetime.

I am deep in misery. When James tried to comfort me I wrenched his arms off of my body and shut myself inside the bathroom. He tried to tell me it will be alright. That we will "work through it." Are all men this thoughtless?

April 12, 1960

James sent me with $50 to the store to buy new makeup and dresses today. He says it will make me feel pretty. That's silly because I have stopped wearing makeup and am hardly able to get out of bed. I feel like a cloud is hanging above me all day and night. He says I sleep too much and that I need to get back into my old routine. He thinks if I stay in bed I'll become a closet case. I don't want to go back to pretending things are dandy. They aren't. Pretending is lying and the bible says lying is a sin.

Instead of going to the department store, I went to a meeting with the women's group. Laney hasn't been to a meeting in months. Her husband told her she can't go anymore. It's not as fun to go without her, but I am starting to learn more about how dire a "woman's plight" is.

The group is very understanding of my situation. Janine, the leader of our group, told me that I don't need a baby to make me happy. They helped me to feel better and talking out my frustrations about James allows me to stay sane. The support I feel there is almost overwhelming. I cried on the way home because I finally feel like I am starting to belong somewhere.