Freedom Without Wings

2.3: The World On Her Shoulders

((Trigger Warning: Mentions of Depressing and Suicidal Thoughts))

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Kyleigh's Point Of View

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"A true Angel has wings for freedom, for love, for control of their own life.  That's why we were created.  To represent certain things, wanting humans to take over.  As it is above, it is below." Tabris says.  "We are doing our job, leading.  You are ruining the balance Kyleigh.  Do you not realise that?  You've ruined so many things leading up to this." 

"Working with Demons."  She began listing the problems off.

"Killing innocent Angels."

"Working with the enemy."

"Stealing."

"Believing you are on top of the world."

"You probably thought these things were the answer because for so damn long you were at the bottom, right?  Bullied for 8 years straight right?  Also, don't forget the lies your parents told you so you had to grow up quickly.  You blamed your pain on other people, until one person change your life.  What a shitty monologue!  You were getting better on your own, but gave one person all the friggin' credit?  Wow, it seems like -"

"Shut up."

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10 Years Ago

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The ghosts were still there.  A girl stayed at the end of my bed, staring at me.  I didn't mind, it wasn't the strangest thing I've seen.  My mother and father fought once a year over something stupid taking their anger on each other.  I had gotten used to the habit of knowing where the step stool or chair was, the locations of the phones and predicting how long it'll take me to run with Kaitlin, if it got that bad.

I looked around my blank room.  'I shouldn't even be here.  I can't believe I'm not like other kids.  I'm not someone with pretty hair or a happy family or a real smile.  'You're an 8 year old, it'll get better' I dealt with fighting for three years, maybe more.  I don't have the guts to call the cops on my family for, well, screaming that they'd harm each other, telling me that I'll fail at life if I got one bad grade, which is also known as demoralizing and damaging your child emotionally; they'd also tell me that I'm ugly and no one would love me.  Maybe death is the answer?  Maybe being dead could stop all of the yelling all of the ghosts?'

I reluctantly get up.  I got ready for the charter school my parents made me go to.  I mentally prepared myself for insults and threats and idiots.  'Okay.  You're a 4'0 girl whose happy, now act the part.  Put on a facade that they'll believe.'  I gave a soft smile at myself in the mirror.  "Kyleigh!!  Get down here and eat your breakfast!!"  I rushed downstairs, not wanting to upset her.

I began to eat the food prepared on the table.  "Are you ready, it's the second day of school."  I nod and swallow my food.  I prepared my bag and lunch before finishing the bowl.

I began to hum some songs.  I see my sister, who was in 2nd grade.  She looked happy, she seemed to have eaten already and was ready to go.  I went back to the table and ate my food.  I grabbed my bags and went out the door.

I was ready for another day in Hell.  Most people wouldn't imagine an 8 year old with suicidal thoughts, but here I am.  I sat in the car, looking out the window.  My mother was rambling about something, which I didn't really care about.

"Be careful." My mom bid us farewell.  I began to walk to my class.  I open the door to see idiotic morons throwing spitballs around and saying some foul things.  "Hey!  Hey, you!" I heard someone call me out.  "Gay piece of shit!"  I turn around, my eyes looking like they could kill.  "'Gay' is not an insult, for it is a sexual orientation, now you would've known that if you had a minimum of 10% of your brain."  I put my backpack down.

"Oh, the psychopath speaks!"  He announces sarcastically.  "Actually, psychopaths are people who feel little to no emotion and don't care at all for life.  All life.  But I love to protect animals, unlike you behemoths.  Your bodies focus on how big you physically are, but obviously your nutrients didn't reach your brain."  I say in a dead voice, I hooked the lunch pail on the side of my desk.

I begin to walk out the room.  I was stopped to see the same moron in my way.  "Little body, big mouth!  You know what big mouths can fit!" The male made a suggestive joke.  "Funny joke," I say sarcastically, "But the even funnier joke is the fact that you guys have the brain power to stay conscious and keep up a conversation with me."  I push the taller male away from the door.

I walk to where I saw my best friend, Livleen.  "Hiya, Liv."  I greet her.  "Hey, Kyleigh!" She smiles.  I began to tell her what had happened earlier.  "So basically those idiots were saying pretty offensive things, like insulting the mentally ill, gays, making women look submissive and making sex jokes.  I would've expected it from the sixth graders, but not our grade."  "Yeah, but new school, new start."  "Actually, your school background gets transfered to the school you're going to.  So technically, new school, mostly new people."  "True." Liv agrees with me.

I saw a woman in black across the courtyard.  "Hey, do you want to get some candy?  I have some in m..my.."  "What?" Liv asks as my eyes widen.  The boys of the class I was in, had my black lunch pail.  They were eating my food.  I rolled my eyes at the boys.  I walked towards the numbskulls and grabbed my lunch bag out of their hands.  "Oh, look at that the gremlin's playing dirty now!"

"Technically, the idiotic jocks of our class are playing dirty.  Stealing from the shortest girl in the class, who was previously bullied, and seems to be underweight, although is a perfectly healthy weight; how does that look like?  Should I scream for help and tell the principle that you muggles stole from me, that wouldn't look good would it?  It also wouldn't go well with all our parents." I blackmailed the students.

"Take a bite.  I dare you." I smile.

I watched as the boys exchanged looks.

"God, please don't let them do anything that would endanger or ruin me."

-

One Hour Later

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"That's bull!" I told the vice principle.  "I wasn't giving them any food!  They stole mine and were calling me names."  "I'm sorry, that's not how it looks like."  "You're looking at it from how the bully/Juan told you.  Maybe see it from my-" "You have detention for the next two weeks." "What?!" I exclaim.  I did nothing wrong.  Yes, I was being passive-aggressive, but who started the fight first?

"You might twist the words around and make the boys look like the bad guys."

"But that's what they did to me!"  I told the woman.  "I'm sorry, take a break for a day.  Come back to school with a better attitude."

I sighed and left the office, slamming the door.  That might've been a little bit of a bad idea, but I couldn't explain how I felt in words.  I began to walk to the exit, my mother was waiting there.  Her arms crossed, an angry look on her face.

"Kyleigh Paige!  I thought you were taught better than that!" My mother yelled at me.

"The guys vandalized my lunch bag, were making fun of oppressed groups, and in general, a pain."

"You have no excuse for being sent home today!  You are a disgrace to this family!  Do you know what your grandmother, a highschool valedictorian, would say to you?!  How about your father?!  Maybe my father too?!  Maybe if your whiney ass calmed down, I could've been there to see my father!"

"I was a baby, mother!  Did you expect me to know how to shut up?!"

"Don't say that you imbecile!" My mother says.

"S-Screw you!" I say, honestly done taking all the hits from my mother.  I had to deal with the blame of my grandfather's death, the weight of my successful ancestors and the beauty standards of my family.  I had a lot on my shoulders at 8 years old.

-

"Don't you think that I want to be a kid for once?!  Don't you think that I wanted the weight of the world off my shoulders?!  I had a legacy to protect, but wasn't taught how to!"