[Road Trip Across the U.S of Gay; AKA- if John Green was gay and a girl he would write this]
Her parents are nagging her, her depression and anxiety are rising off the charts, and she has no idea what she is going to do with her life. At the age of...
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"It's really not that bad, Saylor. I mean, the paint job is pretty ratchet and it's rusted, but not enough that you'll fall through. The brakes need to be replaced, which is super simple, and the transmission needs some work but really this is better than I thought it would be. You're not going to have air conditioning or a working radio anytime soon, but to make it drivable? I'll have it done next week."
Nodding along, I look under the hood with her as though I should know what she is looking at. She is moving and tinkering with stuff here and there, but I don't really know what any of it means.
Lorelai had texted me not that long after I had gotten home that she was coming over to look at the truck which is good because nobody is home yet. She had a bit of trouble finding my house since GPS doesn't usually recognize the address, but when her uncle dropped her off, she got right to work. She's been at it for about twenty five minutes now.
"You also need a new battery, but that was going to be expected. It really won't be too much, and my uncle said that I could use supplies from the shop so this should be simple and painless." She looks over at me and smiles, turning back to the vehicle with adoration on her face. I agree with her, it is a beautiful truck even with its flaws. That's why Kathleen gave it to me, she knew how much I loved it.
"Let me talk to my uncle when he comes back and then I can start whenever you want."
"I'm done with school now, but the year doesn't technically end for another 2 weeks or so, so there isn't a rush. Do it whenever, my parents are hardly home and when they are they aren't going to notice. Just let me know."
"Okay, sounds good. And...I don't know your specific reasons for this, and you don't know mine, and I don't know about you but I don't want to talk about it. So...let's just keep it the way that it is." Being the nosy person that I am, I don't want to agree, but being the closeted person that I am I have no choice but to do so.
"Don't worry, I won't pry. I'm the same way, so I'll respect that. Anyway, when do you want to do it? I'm basically here twenty-four-seven, so just let me know when you feel like doing it."
A car pulls up in front of my house as I say that, honking the horn to signal to Lorelai that it is time to leave. "Like I said, I'll talk to my uncle and then text you. I can probably start tomorrow night and work late since it starts the weekend, but we'll see. I'll call you." She walks down the driveway, waving to me as she does and leaves. That went better than I thought it would (and was way less awkward too). I guess I'll see how tomorrow goes.
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The first thing that both of my parents did when they got home was ask me if I got all of my school work done. When I told them yes, they asked if I rushed, told me that I need to take my time with school. That's why I locked myself in my room.
They keep telling me to get ahead, put it into my head that I'm not doing well enough and that since I work at my own pace I should be working at superhuman speed. So when I get ahead, finish early, they think that the right thing to tell me is that I probably messed it up and that is why I got it done early. No wonder I'm so messed up in the head.
And to top all that off, they then continued to ask what my next step was. Asking me about applying for jobs, volunteering, summer clubs. To get them off of my back I did say that me and a friend were thinking about a 'college tour' trip for over the summer, remembering that that was one of the excuses that Lorelai had mentioned. It certainly worked, though. They asked who with and to what colleges, but said that we would have to go with her parents because they work. When I said that her parents work too, the seemed way too comfortable with use driving across the country alone. Because as long as I'm deciding my future and making life changing decisions, of course it's a reasonable idea.
I love them, but they drive me up the fucking wall.
Opening my phone, I scroll through instagram out of boredom. Why did they think that it was a good idea to put the posts out of order? It's so stupid...
"Hello, Kel," I answer as his facetime interrupts my call. Just like whenever we do this, he's lying down on his bed with the phone showing an unflattering angle of his face, nostrils on display. I'm no different though, it's a comfortable position.
"You're only ever in your room when you're upset. What happened?"
"The usual. I could say the same thing to you, though."
He sighs, looking around his room. "Just fighting again, making me feel like it's my fault when I have nothing to do with it."
"I can hear my parents fighting as we speak, man. That's probably why they are on my back all the time, though. Because they hate their own lives so much that they have to focus on mine."
"Do they still hold that whole 'we're getting divorced when you leave for college' thing over your head?"
"Yup." It's true. Apparently when I was young, young enough that I have no recollection of it, my parents got into a fight. Shit went down and my dad said that when I turn 18 and leave for college that he's leaving, divorcing my mom. Do you know how many times that has been held over my head? "They mention it so much that that's probably why I don't want to go to college, why I have no motivation to do anything. Because once I figure things out they'll have to figure things out, and that's when shit will truly hit the fan."
"At least they don't directly tell you that it is your fault their marriage is falling apart. Every chance that they get they throw in my face how their marriage stopped working. Yeah, as if I invented infidelity."
There is a brief moment of silence that usually happens on the phone. It's the part where we reflect on our lives, how horrible they are.
"I just wish that they would get divorced so that the weight would be lifted off of our shoulders. They think that they are protecting, but they're just making me hate not only them, but myself too."
"Same, just end all of the suffering," he agrees.
"You know, I mentioned a road trip across the country without an adult, and they said yes because I mentioned colleges. I mean...they're so stupid. I could go across the country binge drinking but as long as I worked at the same time and went on some school tours when I was over my hangover, everything would be good."
"I get why you want to do it, Saylor. I really do."
"You know...you could come with," I suggest, laughing lightly.
"I don't think that I have the energy to even pretend to refuse.
