Road Trip Across the U.S. of Gay (gxg)

Chapter 8: State College, Pennsylvania

After my parents wrongfully took their anger for others out on me, I was understandably down. Sure, I'm used to it, but that doesn't mean that it makes it any better. Nobody likes to be yelled at for something they didn't do- especially when they aren't given the opportunity to defend themselves.

All that I simply replied with was that Kel would be sleeping over, and then I rejoined the other two in the garage. So as Lorelai continued to fix some things and made sure that everything else was okay, I simply sat on the crate that Kel previously occupied as he helped Lorelai.

"Why did you come to Saylor for a place to stay, by the way, when you are one of the most popular guys in school? I mean, I thought that you two don't even consider each other friends," Lorelai asks. I'd like to hear this answer too, to be honest.

"I come to Say for parent issues just like she comes to me, we complain to each other. It's how our relationship works," is his simple reply.

"Or are all of your friends too fake that they won't even let you sleep over?" Lorelai smirks as she says this, raising an eyebrow. Kel rolls his eyes in return.

"Look, I don't need you to analyze me or my relationship with Saylor. I got kicked out, I was feeling vulnerable and upset, do you blame me for not wanting the guys to see me like that?"

Lorelai is silent for moment before looking between the two of us. I don't know if she in contemplating things of just doesn't believe what he said, but eventually she just says "whatever you say" and gets back to work. Rolling his eyes even harder than before, Kel comes and sits next to me.

I put my arm around his shoulder and lean back against the wall as he slumps against me, putting his head on my shoulder. I can tell that he is upset, he doesn't like to admit that I'm the closest thing he has to a friend, but that's hard to do when the structure of our relationship is based on our shitty home lives. I'm the same way. I have a few friends and acquaintances, sure, but I can't tell them how I really feel. They for some reason like my parents and will go to them with the information. Or they'll give me the generic response that everything will get better. Either that or they say that I'm being dramatic and overreacting.

I guess that's why it makes me and Kel feel better to say that we aren't friends. When someone is a stranger it makes it easy to tell them things because you'll never see them again and you'll be able to move on. Sure, me and Kel aren't strangers, but sometimes it is comforting to pretend like we are.

We are all quiet in the garage, the only sound the faint sound of the radio in the background. Lorelai is tinkering around with something under the hood, her brows scrunched in concentration, and my arm is still around Kel as he sits sunken into my side. I can tell that he's thinking about some things, but I have no doubt that he'll tell me soon. I'm right (like always), as he almost immediately speaks.

"I'm sorry that I rely on you so much, Say. Those guys, though...they aren't my friends. Girls, too. Everyone justs wants something from me. Everyone but you, and I guess I take advantage of that and I'm sorry. But sometimes I just...I feel like if I don't get away from them, or I don't talk about it, that I'm going to break down like a little bitch," he mutters to me. He's not looking at me as he says this; his eyes are closed and face distressed, but I know that that is just a defense. "I can't let that happen, though. At least not yet, not until I get out of that house." His voice is scratchy and low as he finishes, but he still doesn't look at me. I'm the same way, though, so I don't blame him.

"Come on, Kel. I use you to my advantage, too. You know that. If you ever stepped over the line I would let you know. I will let you know. We can pretend not to be friends, too, but you know that you love me." He cracks a smile at my tease, making the moment less awkward...it was barely awkward to begin with, though. We know too much shit about each other to let things get awkward.

"Alright, I've got to piss,"

Laughing, I push him away as he gets up and enters the house.

"I'm sorry if I upset him, I just don't like people like him. I shouldn't have assumed stuff, though." Lorelai stands up and leans on the front of the truck, looking at me as she wipes off her hands.

"I'm not going to sit here and stand up for him or get defensive, Lorelai. And I don't know what you mean by 'people like him.' But...we agreed that he could tag along, which he is, so try not to gain any negative feelings for him. We also agreed not to pry into each other's lives. You don't have to like Kel, but you certainly can't hate him if this is going to end with all of us alive."

She sighs, rolling her eyes. "I already don't like him, Saylor. That's for personal reasons, though, and I will put that aside. I still don't understand the dynamic between you two, but hey, that's none of my business."

"You're right, it's not." I was thinking that in my head, but Kel had the guts to say it as he reentered the garage. The two of them share a look, one that seemed to be meaningful but was most likely just hostile, and Lorelai then went back to what she was doing. Kel came and sat next to me again, taking out his phone to distract him instead of talking to me anymore.

Just like Lorelai, I'm not exactly sure where me and Kel stand. We're...friends, I guess you could say. But then again, we're not. We use each other to vent and escape, but if he saw me in public in daylight when he was with his actual "friends", I know for a fact that he would ignore me. I know that from experience. And yes, while we are hanging out we do talk about other stuff than just our problems, but does that constitute a friendship? I don't know.

I think that he is handsome, too. His personality is appealing, as well, since I can spend hours upon hours talking to him. Would I ever consider dating him, though? Hell no. I would make out with him, sure. Maybe even lose my virginity to him (I don't exactly value it as much as I should). But if we ever dated, it would be a messy situation full of taking and no giving, and without any foundation besides our fucked up lives. It wouldn't work.

Why am I even thinking that, though? It's not like he would even find me attraction, much less want to date me.

Ugh, you see, this is why we pretend not to know each other. Because that is when shit gets messy.